


In Touch, Out Of Reach

by social_reject



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 07:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10509528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/pseuds/social_reject
Summary: Luke was summer and winter was merely there to cover up the memories. The snow guarded the remembrance of freshly cut grass and the way Luke had looked at the park surrounded by blooming flowers and thickets of trees. Winter was the cold that consequently washed away the heat of Luke’s touches and left Ashton frost bitten. Winter was frozen waters and the inability to see the bottom of the pool they had jumped into, the surface crystallized and reflecting only Ashton's image back at him- reminding him Luke was long gone. Winter would melt away and spring would come, but Ashton knew that the next summer might not bring Luke back to him.Ashton meets Luke one fateful summer day and realizes that the moments he's living in should be what defines him- not the past or the uncertainty of the future. As they unravel the other with letters from across the country and tokens of the past, Ashton comes to realize that Luke could be his future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title abbreviated from Megan and Liz's song "Long Distance".

Ashton casted his gaze to the outside world, stained glass glazing the downpour of rain into colors. The rain was heavy and torrential but the transparent colors reflecting off the glass provided a better perspective on the day for Ashton. The sky may have been hazy and gray, thick clouds blocking out the usual shine of the sun, but there was still an air of optimism that sat with Ashton in the window seat of the pawn shop his mother owned. The day was going by slowly, and to Ashton that was okay, a fast paced life not so desired- perhaps even feared- the possibility of his time slipping away unbeknownst to him was one of his greatest fears. He walked through life slowly, taking his time to metaphorically and literally stop and smell the roses, to admire the way the cracks in the sidewalk were intricate and to speculate about how they became. Ashton thought maybe the shop was partially to blame for his mindset, the past seven years of his life spent listening to the stories of customers and trying to fathom a deeper understanding of their past and how it now affected his own present. 

He let out a small sigh, his lips pouted as he gazed back down at the opal ring pinched between his index finger and thumb. The band was silver and ordinary, even the opal wasn't on the extravagant side, just a small stone tucked neatly within the confines of the ring, but Ashton knew part of the story behind it and that's what truly gave beauty to it. He knew he needed to put the ring in the display case, but he'd just purchased it from a customer who had kept it tucked away for nearly a decade. He liked the look of the colors- how they nearly matched the glaze of melting colors from the stained glass window- how they were all so different and unique. He knew who the ring had belonged to previously, but now he sat in wonder at where it would end up next. He hoped it would not be stored somewhere for a decade but would see the light of day and be able to contribute some beauty into the world. 

A rustling behind the counter brought Ashton's attention back to the reality surrounding him. He knew it was just Michael tidying up, on the slower days that was much of all they could do- clean the glass display cases, rearrange the merchandise and endlessly count whatever was in the register. Ashton zeroed in on the ticking of the antique clock proudly hung on the wall above the counters. The ticks were a steady thrum and a constant reminder that time was moving whether Ashton liked it to or not. He looked up at the clock in envy, wishing he had the power of time on his hands, there were so many things he wished to do but with the prospect of time in front of him he knew he would never be able to accomplish them all. So, he sauntered his way through life, enjoying the moments he did have. He took one last fleeting glance at the clock, the intricate woven design on the edges all made up of gold, the hands of the clock shining time anew and telling him it was nearly noon. He considered packing up for lunch a bit earlier than usual, the lack of customers granting him that luxury but a small warning bell tinkling inside of him told him not to. 

“Where do you want these?” Michael's voice questioned from the back of the store, becoming more distinct along with his hurried footsteps as he approached Ashton. 

Ashton could see the bundle of pawned items in Michael's hands, objects that hadn't been paid for and were surrendered to the shop as property and payment for the money customers had received. Ashton eyed them, a plethora of different goods in Michael's hold. There was an antique phone, a few pieces of jewelry and collectors pins from Super Bowls. Ashton knew the monetary value of each wasn't much, but people came to pawn stores in need of help and that's what Ashton had always wanted to do with what little time he had. He shrugged, there were specified areas for jewelry and electronics, the pins could go somewhere in the jewelry and be readied for sale but Ashton wasn't quite ready for that. 

“Put them back in their safe boxes. The payments are only a couple days late. Let's give them more time,” Ashton suggested, Michael merely shrugged and stalked off to do as he was told. One of Ashton's least favorite parts of practically running the pawn shop was when items were surrendered into their ownership and sold off to other people when customers who had every intent to pay off the loan fell behind on payments. If Ashton could spare a few days here and there without his mother noticing, then he would, he just wanted to give people their best chance. 

Ashton moved to break his position of knees to chest and arms wrapped around himself, his body unfurling and feet hitting solid ground before he stretched. He'd been at the window seat of the shop for the past fifteen minutes, caught up in a storm of thoughts to match the storm outside. He'd pondered nearly every possibility of why the ring had been stored away for so long, the man who sold it said it had once belonged to the most beautiful girl in the world, and that left Ashton baffled. With only half a story and a million questions Ashton had let the stranger go on about their day, the elderly man seemingly in a rush. Ashton strode up to the checkout counter, the glass freshly polished and shining under the recess lighting. He placed the ring atop the glass, knowing he'd need to hunt down a box for it to be rested in before putting it on display but his temporary mission was stalled when the bell over the entrance dinged- signifying a customer had just arrived. 

For a belated moment Ashton had the hope it was a customer with payment for their pawned item, but when he turned to face them he looked into the exhausted eyes of a stranger. A man, not much younger than Ashton himself, approached, the thin fabric of his shirt dampened and clinging to his porcelain like skin. He was delicate in Ashton's eyes, all pale skin and fragile eyes that looked like the blue in the stained glass window. As if the sun could shine and reflect the color of his eyes back into the world, also as if they could be easily shattered. Ashton barely noticed the guitar case in the stranger's hand, too caught up in the melting tide of his eyes. 

“Hi,” the stranger said unsurely, an uncertain and wavering hand pushing soaked and plastered hair out of his face, revealing more delicate features. “I’d like to sell my guitar.” 

Ashton blinked back at him and then quickly tore his gaze away, finally aware that he'd been staring. He nodded and waved the stranger over to the counter, rounding it to get to the side with the register. He gestured for the man to put the case on the counter, Ashton would need to see the guitar before making an offer and the man realized that for he put the case on the glass and popped it open. An old acoustic sat in red velvet lining, in near perfect condition, virtually no mishandles on the instrument. 

Ashton knew silence was a virtue when it came to information and price haggling- not that he'd ever been one to try and take the cheap route. He examined the guitar for a moment more before the customer interrupted his thoughts. 

“It's only about five or six years old,” he said. “Pretty much perfect condition.” 

Ashton could tell that was true. He looked back up at the man, diving back into the sea of his eyes, staring at jagged edges of sea glass buried beneath the waters and saw the layer of desperation under the surface. Ashton immediately knew this sale wasn't a first choice option and that whatever money he handed over would be much needed. Reasonably Ashton could make a tidy profit from the guitar _ and  _ help the man out- but that help would be minuscule. Ashton could do better than haggle a price. 

“How much do you want for it…” Ashton trailed off, wishing he had a name  to the face that stood so hopelessly in front of him. Most times when pawn brokers asked how much a customer wanted they were intent on driving the price down from there- no matter the value of said item. Ashton though, he took genuine interest in the matter of pricing and what it was the customer needed. The shop did fine with money, he and his family were finally well off enough to be able to take into consideration the struggles of others. Ashton could easily empathize with customers, coming from a background where his family didn't have much to start off with, humble beginnings with a rocky road that led him to where he was now- wanting to help others because he finally had the opportunity to do so. 

“Luke,” the customer supplied his name, jerking Ashton back into their bargain. Ashton nodded and waited for Luke to give him a price, the blonde man musing at the situation, trying his best to determine what to say. “That depends on what you're willing to pay, now doesn't it?” 

Ashton laughed at the question, he supposed that in many other pawn shops that may be the case. Ashton prided himself on his ability to meet the customer’s needs and the shops, he was sure they could find common ground they would both be happy to walk on. 

“That may be so,” Ashton began, keeping his tone light as he drummed his fingers along the glass countertop, reverberations of the action shooting through his hands. “But I'm more interested in what it's worth to you.” 

Luke sighed, the desperation that clouded his eyes was winning over, his lower lip caught between his teeth as Ashton watched him decide what he could and could not tell a perfect stranger. Ashton had many encounters where “worth” wasn't determined on sentimental value but purely on monetary value, and that's never what Ashton meant. Ashton could tell that the guitar meant a lot, with the way Luke looked upon it as if it were buried treasure, how his hands hovered over it protectively. Whatever was driving Luke to sell the guitar must have been extreme, and Ashton could sympathize with him for that. The guitar obviously meant something more than just an instrument to him- Ashton wasn't sure what- but it was more. 

“It's my first guitar,” Luke said fondly, his voice small and fractured as he pushed the case away from him and sighed. “A couple hundred will do.” 

Ashton quickly agreed to Luke's price, to which Luke brightened fractionally, his hovering hands and forlorn gaze breaking as Ashton wrote out a receipt for him. Ashton opened the register and handed over the payment and the receipt, a burning curiosity sitting at the back of his mind. He wanted to know why Luke was in such dire need for a couple hundred bucks and why that need translated to selling something that was quite obviously so precious to him. Ashton watched as Luke pocketed the money and gave one last farewell glance at the guitar, statuesque as he gazed upon it. Ashton yearned to somehow take the hurt out of his eyes, replace the broken sea glass with waves of happiness. 

“Are you new to the city?” Ashton finally asked, figuring small talk may take some edge off the mood that had settled around them, since Luke was so content to stay still. Ashton knew Boston was a relatively big city but he'd had plenty of run ins with familiar faces, yet Luke was a stranger in every sense of the word. 

Luke looked up finally, licking his lips and nodding. “Been here only a couple weeks. I'll only be here for a couple weeks more.” 

“Off on an adventure?” Ashton asked light heartedly as Luke looked down at the receipt he was clutching with white knuckles and shaking hands. 

“Something like that,” he said almost despondently. As quick as the hopelessness had become, it faltered and broke, Luke shaking his head with a tiny quirk of a smile. “I'm just trying my best to get to Los Angeles.” 

Ashton couldn't help the next question that tumbled from his lips, there was something compelling about Luke and Ashton yearned to know more. “What's in Los Angeles for you?” 

Luke's quirk of a smile turned into a smirk. “ _ Adventure _ , music. Hopes and dreams, you know, the usual for a struggling musician.” Luke shrugged offhandedly, as if his hopes and dreams could be downsized to the motion of uncertainty. 

“You’re in a band?” Ashton wondered aloud, not even realizing how easy it was to carry conversation with Luke, not knowing that each question and answer was weight off both of their shoulders. 

Luke paused before answering, a small silence ensuing as he thought over his answer, Ashton patiently waiting. “A band of sorts. It's just me and my best friend at this point. We've been bouncing around all over the world trying to catch a break.” 

Ashton laughed. “Then Los Angeles seems like the right place for you.” 

“It may be right for me, I just hope I'm right for it.” 

Luke looked down once more, the receipt in his hand crumpling as he made a fist and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans haphazardly. To Ashton the movement was a little agitated even though the glint in Luke's eyes said otherwise. Ashton could sense that there was something else laying under the surface, something buried deep, something Ashton may never fully understand, especially because he was such a stranger to Luke. And that was all he was bound to be. A stranger who had paid for his guitar. Luke would be here today and gone in two weeks. 

“Anyway,” Luke began again, letting all of his emotions roll off him. “Thanks for the money.” 

Ashton nodded. “Thanks for the guitar.” 

And with that, Luke walked out of the pawn shop, and a very nosey Michael strode over to Ashton. “You were checking him out.” 

Ashton blew out a breath, his best friend always up for voicing his opinion, even in times when it wasn't particularly called for. Even though Michael's statement wasn't false, Ashton wasn't truly one for ever giving Michael validation- especially when it came to claims such as those. Michael had been a constant in Ashton's life since he moved to Boston when he was thirteen, a constant pain in his ass but a constant nonetheless. Ashton couldn't truly fault Michael for the things he said, they were just comfortable enough around each other to not have any guards up or filters in place. 

“Like,  _ hardcore _ checking him out. Did you get his number?” Michael continued to prattle on, keeping the topic of conversation around Ashton's love life- or lack thereof. 

“No, Michael. I didn't get his number. I wasn't even thinking that way,” Ashton admitted reluctantly. He knew Michael wouldn't believe him, even though it was the truth. Ashton hadn't been on a date in a long while and it wasn't as if he weren't open to the idea, it just hadn't crossed his mind. 

“Sure,” Michael said and gave Ashton an unbelieving look. Even though Michael was certainly the first person to push Ashton's buttons he was also the first to realize when he'd pushed Ashton to the edge- just in time to reel him back in before falling. Which is why Michael changed the subject after Ashton gave him a sharp look in warning. “Wanna clock out for lunch?” 

Ashton looked at the clock, it was past noon and officially their lunch break. He nodded and unfastened the name tag from his shirt, quickly remembering to lock the opal ring away before leaving. Michael eyed the ring as Ashton nestled it into a small blue box and shut it away in the display case, locking it and shoving the key in his pocket. Ashton wondered at Michael's interest in the ring for a moment but didn't let it overrule his thoughts. All that was on his mind in the moment was leaving the shop to get some food. Michael led the way out of the store as soon as Ashton's mother appeared to take over the reigns while they were gone. They easily meandered their way down the street, not bothered much by the rain that had turned to merely a sprinkle of a shower, already knowing where they were headed without needing to communicate it verbally. They went to the same place for lunch almost everyday for the past few months. 

Ashton followed Michael inside of  _ East Coast Eats  _ and took his seat in the booth at the far end of the restaurant. They hadn't purposely made this table their own, but they were both drawn to it, Michael for the privacy it gave him in not having to face strangers and Ashton sat on the opposite side being able to people watch. People watching was perhaps one of Ashton's favorite things, seeing how other people's lives unfolded so willingly before his eyes a spectacle of enamorment he couldn't break. He easily got caught up in the sonder of it all; hyper aware that other people lived lives that were intricate and complex, and that even though they may be unaware of it, their lives did make an impact on his. It didn't take long for the waitress to make her way over to them, menus in hand although they wouldn't be needing them- they were creatures of habit and already knew what they would be ordering. 

Throughout lunch Ashton couldn't help but notice the people surrounding them; the family that struggled to keep their toddler still and quiet, the old couple who leaned their elbows on the table and gazed at each other with the love of a fulfilled lifetime. Ashton had never yearned for something like that- a love that was timeless, a love that could surpass any obstacle, but the day he'd had was intruding on his thoughts, broken blue eyes that could snap back to perfection with just a blink dancing their way through his mind. Ashton wasn't usually one for regrets, but there was something clawing away at him as he realized he'd let Luke walk away- out of the pawn shop and out of his life with only one small conversation and a guitar between them. 

The shop was quiet for the rest of the day when Ashton and Michael returned from lunch, Anne- Ashton's mother- entrusting them to lock up at the end of the day. It was routine by that point, summer days bled into summer nights where the shop closed at six and the rest of the day was theirs- spent under a purple tinged sky with nothing but summer thoughts accompanying them. The rain that had once been torrential downpour that turned to drizzle had stopped completely, the gray clouds breaking away and revealing a slow setting sun. In the summer everything seemed to pass slower, at least for Ashton- though he knew everyone would beg to differ. Summer wasn't long enough for most people, but to Ashton it seemed as if the clock ticked seconds slower and that the sun graced them for much longer. 

They found themselves at the Public Garden, a local concert series put on by small business owners popping up at the end of every summer. Local bands and musicians were given the chance to pour their hearts out on a makeshift stage to a number of strangers and acquaintances alike. The music was reminiscent of summers past, the people and the atmosphere making Ashton nostalgic as they wound their way through the crowd. Picnic tables were set up and food was sold by various vendors, people donned in New England sports apparel dotting the park in front of them. Something seemed to catch Michael’s attention, his finger stabbing the air animatedly. Ashton followed the line of where his finger pointed, a familiar stranger sat across the park on the top of a picnic table, hands leaned back onto the splintering wood. 

“It's the guitar guy,” Michael all but hollered, his voice carrying through the summer evening breeze. Ashton felt compelled to try and shush him, but he knew it would all be for not, his eccentric friend would never be silenced. “It's like fate or something. You should go get his number.” 

“You should quiet down,” Ashton murmured helplessly, a few people turned to gaze curiously at them, or rather at Michael- he was the one that was yelling. Michael began to move towards Luke and while Ashton knew he didn't  _ have  _ to follow he also knew he  _ should.  _ If Ashton didn't trail behind Michael there was no telling what Michael might say to him. 

They came upon Luke and immediate recognition flickered through his eyes, a small smile making its way to them, sparkling the blue. A tanned boy with a plethora of tattoos adorning his skin sat beside Luke, Ashton gazed at him curiously for a moment but was brought back to Luke when he pushed himself off the table and rose to meet Ashton. Michael was elated by their sides, Ashton knowing he would chalk it all up to fate by tomorrow morning if things went even remotely well and if they crashed and burned Michael would have no problem with slandering Luke- he said that was his job as Ashton's best friend. Ashton was struck with the luck of the situation, having just thought of Luke at lunch time and almost regretting that he didn’t get a chance to know him more. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was indeed this fate that Michael spoke of, or maybe it was all just pure coincidence that led them back to each other. Sometimes things just happened the way they happened for no discernible reason at all. 

“Ashton,” Luke greeted fondly, as if knowing him his whole life. Ashton couldn’t recall if he’d properly introduced himself to Luke, but realized his name tag would have sufficed in doing so. “Funny seeing you here, what’s it been? Like, five or six hours?”

Ashton laughed, realizing how absurd it was to have met Luke, missed an opportunity to continue on knowing him, miss him in some odd way, and then run into him all within the span of six hours. Ashton nodded the affirmation of time and cleared his throat. “I didn’t think I’d be running into you again, actually.”

“I guess Boston’s not as big as it seems,” Luke chattered. “But I heard some locals raving about this concert series and knew I had to duck my head in before we left.”

Ashton arched an eyebrow, ‘we’ catching him off guard. Ashton recalled that Luke was in a ‘band of sorts’ with his best friend, perhaps that was the ‘we’ he had been talking about. He let his curiosity simmer as he made a hasty introduction of Michael. “This is my best friend and co-worker, Michael. He uh- he was stocking shelves in the back when you came in today.”

Actually, Ashton wasn’t quite sure where Michael had sauntered off to when Luke came through the door, he did have a habit of hiding in the back when customers came in, leaving it up to Ashton to handle them. He said it was because Ashton was better at dealing with people than him, but Ashton thought it was mostly so he could sneak snacks and prop his feet up. So, the assumption that Michael was in the back ‘stocking shelves’ as he had once put it, was probably correct- standing at a vantage point where he was able to watch the exchange without being seen. 

“Nice to meet you,” Michael said, reaching a hand out to formally shake during the introduction. 

Luke stepped back after shaking hands and clapped a hand on the tattooed stranger's shoulder. “This is my best friend, Calum. He's actually the one who told me about the pawn shop.” 

Ashton was surprised, he'd never seen Calum around before, but that didn't mean Calum hadn't seen the shop from the outside. The shop wasn't the most popular spot in the city by any means but it was centrally located and had bouts of business that kept them well on their feet. 

“I thought the name was really smart,” Calum complimented. “ _ Past And Presents Pawn,  _ great play on words honestly.” 

Ashton chuckled, the credit for that would have to go to his mother but he accepted the compliment anyway. It only took a moment for Michael to strike up conversation with Calum and to sweep him away, Ashton knowing in the back of his mind it was a deliberate attempt to get him alone with Luke. Luke gestured at the empty picnic table, vaguely motioning for them to sit down. Ashton followed as Luke climbed back to the top, his feet on the bench, arms behind him once more. Ashton took a more conservative seat on the bench, looking up at Luke who was aglow with the setting sun. 

“I really do want to say thank you for taking the guitar off my hands,” Luke said. 

“That's kind of what I do,” Ashton replied easily. “Such is the life of a pawnbroker.” 

Luke giggled, down right absolutely giggled at Ashton's words, the noise melodic and angelic. “Y’know I really thought I would go in there and be shortchanged for it, but you didn't even try to drive the price down.” 

Ashton shrugged. “It seemed like a fair price. I know I can turn a profit on it, but that's not really what matters.” 

Luke leaned forward, hands now on his knees, gazing curiously at Ashton. “Then what does matter?” 

“That you got the money and whatever chance it may bring you.” 

Luke blew out a breath and looked quizzically at Ashton. “It'll pay off the rest of our expenses of being here and get us on our way to LA.” 

Ashton realized what that meant- that he had pawned the instrument in an attempt to chase his dream. He gave up something that held so much sentimental value to him, that was etched into his past, all to go after an uncertain future. Ashton admired that, it was a polar opposite to his own mindset, his thoughts almost exclusively living in the past, hardly ever spur of the moment or chasing the future. 

“Want to take a walk down to the water?” Ashton asked unexpectedly, caught off guard by his own spontaneity. He hadn't expected the words to actually come out of his mouth, but Luke took it in stride, as if he was prepared for all scenarios. 

Luke hopped off the table once more, a step ahead of Ashton as they began their walk but Ashton caught up and kept pace. Their walk towards the water had them bumping shoulders with people, but once they'd reached their destination it was serene; not many people lingered around the water when it didn't have a great vantage point towards the stage. They'd passed food and liquor vendors on their way, Ashton making note of what was available. 

“You know, you're the first person I've met in this city that didn't overlook me,” Luke admitted as the came to the crest of the water, the toes of their shoes just out of reach of the lapping water. “The first one to not laugh in my face at the idea of trying to reach the ‘unattainable’.” 

Ashton wasn't sure why Luke had suddenly opened up to him, but he appreciated it. He didn't find much honesty in his life past his family and Michael, everybody else content to keep secrets and tell lies. 

“It sounds like you need to keep better company,” Ashton said lightly. 

Luke bent to retrieve a few pebbles, letting one glide out of his hold and slip into the water ahead of them and then turned to look at Ashton with a coy smile. “I think the company I'm in right now is pretty good.” 

Ashton blushed, thankful that the night was settling around them, the sun dipped behind the treeline past the water, providing a cover of darkness for the red staining his cheeks. He shuffled his feet and bit his lip as he looked down wanting to reciprocate the meaning of the words but not exactly knowing how to articulate them. Street lamps flickered to life around them, creating a soft and hazy glow of light as a millions words rushed through Ashton's mind. 

Ashton went to speak but all words caught in the back of his throat, his past catching up with him and keeping him silent. All he could manage was a grin in acknowledgement as he looked back up at Luke. He hoped it was enough to communicate with him. It seemed to suffice as Luke grinned back and snapped another pebble out into the water, skipping three times along the surface and then plummeting into the depths. Luke looked back at Ashton once more, his eyes glazed over in the light surrounding them, Luke seemed content to stare at Ashton and Ashton was happily gazing back at him caught up in a reverie of thoughts and fears. 

The boom of a microphone coming to life echoed around the park, startling Ashton and Luke out of their dazes. They both turned to where the stage was, a crowd of people blocking their view but it didn't really matter because Ashton wasn't even paying attention or listening to what was happening. 

Ashton found himself caught up in his thoughts as a band took the stage and music droned on, Luke ever present by his side. Ashton could never have predicted the outcome of his day when he unlocked the doors of the pawn shop. He figured it would be like any other day, work his shift, lunch, another shift and then wrap up the night with Michael somehow. Never would he have thought he'd be caught up with a handsome stranger who felt like all the answers and the mysteries of the world at once. 

A few more acts took to the stage that night, Luke and Ashton meandering their way through the park, trailing up and down the lawn and to the water, looping through the park and through time, the concert ending well into the night. But their footsteps carried on after the music ended, admittedly cheap booze that was overpriced in hand from the vendors and a light feeling in Ashton's chest. 

They'd talked over the music, nothing too substantial being exchanged over the thudding bass but the conversation was a blessing to Ashton. He was caught up in the way the multicolored lights from the stage highlighted Luke, drowning in his eyes that swept over him like a wave. Ashton didn't believe in love at first sight but he knew for certain he was immediately enamored by Luke. There was something compelling about his easy going personality, and maybe it was the booze talking, but there was also something magnetic about him, as if Ashton couldn't help but drift closer and closer to him, as if being pulled in by the tide. 

“Y’know, maybe it is ridiculous to run all the way to LA with nothing but a couple hundred bucks to my name,” Luke said somberly, looking down at the plastic cup in his hand, just a splash of alcohol lining the bottom. “But at least I'm doing something, at least I'm trying, right?” 

Luke's rebound rate was astounding to Ashton. He didn't know how he could hold every emotion in his hands all at once, how he could feel in such vivid colors and be okay with the fact that others saw them so easily. 

Ashton nodded his confirmation at Luke’s words. Luke was doing something, he was trying and nobody could discredit him for that. Ashton on the other hand felt stagnant. He was glued in place, the streets of Boston and the aisles of the pawn shop his home. It wasn't as if he hadn't dreamed of adventure, but the past held him back, and anytime he made progress it would evidently have to pull him back. 

“It's more than I can say, that's for sure,” Ashton admitted, tossing his own empty cup into a trash can. As the words rolled off his tongue a feeling of liberation came over him, as if just by admitting it and putting it out there a weight had lifted from his shoulders. “I've been in the same place for most of my life. I haven't even thought about the future seriously in such a long time. I've been living day to day but not getting anywhere.” 

Luke looked at Ashton curiously, biting his lip and moving closer to him painfully slowly. “Not really one for spontaneity?” 

Ashton shrugged and looked down, he knew that was true though there was a part of him that didn't want to admit it to Luke. He wanted to be the best version of himself in front of Luke, put his best foot forward in an attempt to impress him. Though, Ashton didn't think he truly had any spur of the moment in him. “I guess so.” 

Ashton looked back up, searching for Luke's eyes under the haze of street lamps and found them looking down. Ashton could feel them on his lips, he could see the way they flickered back up when Ashton caught him staring. 

“Then I should probably ask to kiss you first, huh?” Luke said softly, taking one more small step towards Ashton, giving him enough time back away and refuse if he wanted. But Ashton didn't want to refuse. Every minuscule fiber of his being was screaming at him, screaming that he wanted this-  _ needed  _ this. In a surprised movement Ashton closed the distance between them and connected their lips, letting himself be carried away by the moment and fall into the unknown. 

Ashton had never experienced the cliche of fireworks bursting to life from just a kiss and even now, as Luke's hands found a home resting on Ashton's hips and their mouths moved as one, he didn't see fireworks. He saw shooting stars burned behind closed eyelids, he felt the moon exploding inside his chest, felt the pull of gravity making him move inevitably closer to Luke and the concept of time shoot him into a wanted future. 

Ashton never pictured his future so vividly before. Most times it was just a void of a thought, an empty cavern with echoes that sounded dangerous to Ashton. He never ventured too far into such a territory, only looking at what the eye could naturally see. But in the moment, with Luke passionately yet gently kissing him, he could see himself doing more of this for the rest of his life, daring to peek around a corner in the cavern, a small streak of light breaking apart the void. 

The kiss was broken all too soon for Ashton yet was timeless all the same. It could've lasted only seconds or lifetimes and Ashton wouldn't have been able to discern the difference. Luke pulled away with a smirk, hands still resting on Ashton's hips, breaths escaping them and venturing into the dark summer night air, although Ashton felt breathless from the kiss. Luke was able to set his heart racing a million miles a minute. He could pump the blood that flowed in his veins but stole the oxygen from his lungs. He set his heart off to an erratically fast pace but Ashton saw in slow motion. Everything was contradictory about them, how Luke's eyes were shattered stained glass one moment and able to mend the bent steel around Ashton's heart in the next. 

“Was that okay?” Luke asked as dazedly as Ashton felt. Ashton blushed at the words, realizing that even though Luke could come off as confident as Ashton had ever seen, behind a tiny shard of glass was a sliver of insecurity. 

Ashton nodded- all words seemingly escaping him, there was no way to expressly articulate how  _ okay  _ it had been. Instead of trying to wrangle words of affirmation from the depths of himself, he settled for something rather  _ spontaneous.  _

“Can I see you again?” 

Luke brightened, his smile radiantly dazzlingly compared to the dim glow of lights overhead. Confidence had settled itself back over Luke, painting him in a silver light that twinkled when he bit his lip and his cheeks held a splash of red. 

“I would really like that,” Luke confirmed. 

*** 

Two days after the concert Ashton was still on a high of Luke. They'd left off on a lingering want of seeing each other again, nothing set in stone, all of Ashton's being aching for a solid plan. He had exchanged phone numbers with Luke but the phone hadn't rung once. Ashton had confided in Michael, taking a chance to see if he should make the first move. Michael encouraged it, but Ashton held himself back. What they had, their night in the park and feelings of being weightless was incomparable to Ashton. In Ashton's life happiness had been fleeting and while there was something begging him to hold on to what he had with Luke, another part of himself questioned whether he should let loose and see what the universe would allow him. 

Ashton tapped his fingers along the glass counter top, the antique clock ticking time away slowly, as if sensing it was almost the end of his shift and holding a vengeance against him. Michael had been bugging Ashton all day about calling Luke, throwing him knowing looks and small jives of his words as reminders that sounded more like warning bells. Ashton knew time was moving and he knew Luke had a limited time left here and that alone was almost enough to get him to take his chances in picking up the phone. 

“I can cover the rest of your shift if you have something  _ important  _ to do,” Michael offered, once more deferring their conversation back to Luke in a not so subtle way. They'd been chatting idly about how they'd spend the rest of the night, what with summer’s end quickly approaching they figured they may as well live it up a bit before the weather betrayed them and left them inside. 

Ashton and Michael had taken Ashton’s siblings to Red Sox games the past few years as a traditional and ceremonial close to their summer fun. They usually went the weekend before school started back up for Harry and Lauren, Ashton's siblings still at an age where school would detain them for nine months out of the year. They had begun planning for it, left to wonder if they should make their way over to Fenway to see what tickets they had available. 

“I don't need you to cover for me,” Ashton sighed. He knew Michael would inevitably try to argue with him, that much was set in stone, but as the words of protest were about to tumble out of him they were cut short, a ding from the door replacing them. 

Ashton turned towards the noise, about ready to inform the customer that closing time was approaching but he also stopped short. Luke walked in casually, strolling up the aisle with an easy smile in place and hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. Michael wore a startled and unbelieving look while Ashton's heart hammered away in his chest, the thumping in his rib cage not unwelcome. 

“Hey there,” Luke greeted as he made his way up to the counter, taking his hands out of his pockets and placing them on the glass and cocking his head to the side. “Is now a good time to see you again?” 

Ashton was breathless at the surprise visit from Luke. He turned towards Michael, knowing all too well his shift hadn't ended yet and he was in charge of locking up. Michael smirked. 

“Now is a great time, Ashton’s shift just ended,” Michael said breezily and clapped a hand on Ashton's back. Ashton didn't usually appreciate when Michael spoke for him, but since Ashton was still a bit shell shocked, he figured he'd let him get away with it this time. 

“I was going to call,” Luke began, directing the words at Ashton but taking a fleeting and confused look at Michael as he continued on, as if he wasn't sure who was a part of the conversation. “But I figured it would just be easier to show up and hope for the best. Plus, I wouldn't be able to see you over the phone.” 

Ashton blushed deeply, feeling the heat settle in his cheeks, a roaring blaze of color surely accompanying the warmth. 

“Well, I am free,” Ashton managed to splutter out already knowing he'd owe Michael. “Did you have plans in mind?” 

Luke shrugged. “I figured your company was all I'd need to have a good time. We can figure out the details on the run.” 

Ashton was inclined to ask more questions and inquire for more details, his nature fine tuned to specifics, but he shrugged as well and followed the wind that so easily carried Luke, calling to him and blowing him about every which way. Ashton unpinned the name tag from his shirt and rounded the corner of the counter ready to leave but not before something caught Luke's eye and stalled him. 

Ashton followed the line of Luke's gaze, Luke staring at the opal ring still in the display case. Luke finally looked away from the ring and back at Ashton to say, “Did you know opals are allegedly a lot of bad luck?” 

Ashton stood in wonder at the small offering of information. “How did that start?”

Luke shuffled his feet and had a far off look in his eye. “Well, way back when they used to be thought to have brought good fortune and even eyesight to people. That sort of changed in the eighteenth century though, rumors and popular literature tainted the opals existence, instead of bringing good fortune it was said to have caused death. I guess nowadays we know differently, but there's still superstition surrounding it, if it's not your birthstone, you're not supposed to wear it.” 

Ashton mused at Luke's words and finally said, “The man who pawned it seemed pretty desperate to get rid of it, he kept it locked away for about a decade, maybe it was unlucky for him.” 

Luke shrugged. “It is all myths and superstition, but maybe there was something or someone attached to it that had bad luck.” 

Ashton thought for a moment, contemplating the aspect of luck, not sure whether he believed in it or not. “Who's to say luck even exists?” 

Luke eyed Ashton for a moment. “Of course it does, why wouldn't it?” 

“It's not tangible, you can't see it or touch it or anything. It's all just… coincidence... maybe?” 

“That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There's things we can't explain, luck and love and fate and such.” 

“Maybe,” Ashton reluctantly relented. “But luck and fate can be debatable.” 

Luke grinned. “And love can't be?” 

Ashton shook his head no. Love existed, at least in Ashton's mind. “No. It can't be. Because you can see love.” 

Luke stepped forward, closing some of the gap between them. “Explain?” 

Ashton looked down and clasped his hands together unsurely. He didn't want to say something that could come off as stupid nor did he want to back down from this discussion and come off as feeble. 

“I guess I mean you can see love between people. You can see it in the way they look at each other, how they take care of each other and in the sacrifices they make for each other. It's not a physical thing you can touch but you  _ can _ feel love. You can feel the touch of someone you love, butterflies in your stomach and content in your heart.” 

“I didn't really need to be convinced on the existence of love,” Luke began. “But I'm glad I know what to look out for now.” 

They lapsed into a steady and heavy silence, eye contact never once wavering until Michael cleared his throat and they both shifted their weight from foot to foot, seemingly in the transition of starting to make a move for the door. 

Ashton followed Luke out of the shop after their exchange about the ring and such controversial topics as love and luck, following Luke's lead as they strode down the street, Ashton not knowing where they were going. Ashton was momentarily caught up in wanting to ask a million questions but he realized Luke didn't have the answers, they were figuring it out together. Ashton had an inkling of a thought as to what they could do together, but not the means as to how to get them there. 

“We can go anywhere you want,” Luke said, spinning on his heel but somehow managing to keep up his stride as he walked backwards, keeping his eyes on Ashton and feet on solid ground. “We can do anything.” 

Ashton knew there were limitations to ‘anywhere’ and ‘anything’ but he dearly appreciated the sentiment that went with the words. Luke was making the best of the situation, keeping a spring in his step and a light in his eyes. Ashton worried that Luke was so willing to walk backwards, the streets were becoming densely crowded with people as work hours came to a close and people were in a rush to get home. Luke just merely missed slamming his back into an elderly woman, Ashton pulling him to the side to avoid the collision, Luke giggling as he realized what had almost transpired. 

“Aren't you being a little reckless?” Ashton said breathlessly as they came to a stop, needing to press the pedestrian crossing light and wait for traffic to allow them their chance to cross. Ashton had all but tugged Luke to a stop as he realized what was ahead, Luke laughing and saying he definitely would've stopped before he hit traffic. 

“I'm just going with it,” Luke said in explanation. “No harm, no foul.” 

Ashton shook his head in disbelief at Luke's utter incapability to see consequences. That was all Ashton could think about when making decisions. He was always caught up in the ‘what if’s’ and ‘or else's’. He prided himself on the notion of staying out of trouble and being a generally good person, though he knew his life lacked that spark of freedom and willingness to drop everything. With a deep breath and a moment where all thoughts and worries fled from his mind he spoke his idea aloud, for once putting a piece of his mind out there. 

“What if we go watch planes take off from Coughlin Park?” 

Luke, who had previously come to be clutching at the pole of the traffic light let his hold drop and quirked a smile in Ashton's direction. “Why don't we just go to the airport and hop on the first flight that's offered?” 

Ashton knew Luke was joking, his tone light and easy and filled with banter. So, Ashton smoothly replied, “I think that's more of second date material.” 

Luke looked at him innocently. “Our night in the park  _ wasn't  _ our first date?” He questioned, fluttering his eyes at Ashton and pouting out his lip. 

Ashton laughed at him and shrugged. “It can be anything you want it to be.” 

“Well played.” 

They lapsed into a comfortable and almost familiar chit chat, words being exchanged that didn't carry the weight of the world but instead made Ashton feel weightless just like on their walk to the water the first night, Ashton could've sworn he was floating. Being around Luke felt like being a balloon set free, soaring and reaching new heights. Ashton unconsciously led them back to his own place up the block, knowing in the back of his mind they'd need to drive to Coughlin Park. He kept his car at home and didn't use it unless he was heading out of the city, walking was a much easier method of getting from place to place within the city. 

“And how far away is Coughlin Park?” Luke asked once they'd approached Ashton's car, Luke's hand on the door handle of the passenger side. 

“Not far,” Ashton said vaguely as they opened the doors and climbed into their respective seats. 

They both buckled up and it wasn't long before they'd hit the road, traffic erring on the side of heavy but their conversation made time feel like it was flying by. By the time they'd come to a stop at Coughlin park and Ashton had taken the key out of the ignition, the sun was dipping into a purple tinged sky, tufts of pink clouds crowding the air. 

“I've never seen a plane take off before,” Luke admitted as they clamored out of the car and strolled over to a bench. 

“I've seen it a few times, it's kind of surreal actually,” Ashton said, leaning back on the bench, arms folded around himself to ward off the breeze. “One day I’m determined to be on one of those flights.”

Luke looked at Ashton’s admittance in confusion. “You didn’t strike me as the adventurous type.”

Ashton wasn’t sure whether or not he should take offense at Luke’s words, his eyes narrowed as he contemplated what they could mean. A million different answers bombarded Ashton at once but none of them were adding up to anything good. Ashton realized that he had told Luke of his lack of spontaneity and that’s probably why Luke had drawn his conclusion, and sure, Ashton wasn’t always willing to do things on a whim just  _ because,  _ but he could dream of setting off on an adventure and with the right amount of planning, he was sure he could make it a reality someday.

“And by that I just mean that you seem so… content. That you’re living your life and you’re happy with where you are. Kind of like, you don’t need any more than you have because what you have is enough. You have a best friend and a family and a pawn shop and history that keeps you where you are. You don’t need to be the adventurous type because you’re already happy being where you are and who you are.”

Ashton sank into his seat, blushing deeply at the expansion of Luke’s explanation. He wasn’t sure all of Luke’s words were true. Yes, Ashton was happy with most things in his life, he was more than able to take things slowly and appreciate the smaller things in life, but there was always a part of him that yearned for more- even through the fear he exuded at the concept of time slipping away from him and his life going by too fast. 

“And you seem like the type who keeps a suitcase packed and is ready for adventure whenever and wherever it presents itself,” Ashton said back to Luke who bit his lip and shifted closer to Ashton on the small expanse of the wooden bench.

“That’s not always a necessarily good thing, you know,” Luke began and while Ashton had been listening before, he was suddenly enraptured by what Luke was saying. “It means I have nowhere that I feel bound to. I have nothing keeping me in one spot. I’m restless, I can’t figure out what I want or how to get it.”

“I thought you wanted music?” Ashton questioned. Ashton had thought the reason for Luke’s ‘restlessness’ was all because he was on his way to getting what he wanted.

“That’s only a part of it. I know I want music in my life and sure, I have a vague idea of how to accomplish that, but, there’s still something  _ missing  _ and I don’t know what it is.”

“Then how do you know it’s missing?”

“Because I feel empty.”

Ashton could only blink at Luke who stared at him as if searching for answers in his eyes. Ashton felt his chest tighten ever so slowly and somehow painlessly, as if the tightness in his chest was meant to have come and to pass, as if it was a natural reaction to the way Luke looked at him. Ashton licked his lips and moved closer to Luke, closing the space between them on the bench, their legs pressed together and Ashton swore the breath in his body vanished when Luke seemingly found an answer, his eyes finally content.

“Sometimes I think I may have found it only to have it yanked away from me,” Luke continued on softly through hard edges and bleak words. “But I’ll never stop trying to find it.”

 Luke’s eyes flickered up and down Ashton, as if trying to figure him out when it was Luke who Ashton was trying to figure out. Ashton had plainly thought Luke had his life figured out, the world in the palm of his hand, opportunities he was chasing and a map of all he wanted to accomplish. Ashton was astounded to find out that while Luke was an adventurer there were some things in his life that even he couldn’t seem to find. Ashton swallowed hard, a lump forming in his throat as he ripped his own gaze away from Luke and looked to the sky. He could still feel Luke’s eyes on him even after he looked away.

A plane was overhead, the roar of the machine deafening around them, the plane looking like it was emerging from the sunset and headed for uncharted territories. Ashton took solace in the way the plane flew on, realizing that the sky truly was the limit to any and all dreams. There was a calm that washed over Ashton, a lull in his body that left him relaxed for a small moment in time. He let out a soothing breath and turned back to look at Luke who was still looking at him. 

“You're missing the plane,” Ashton said, pointing in the direction of the plane as if Luke would need it pointed out, as if it wasn't apparent enough it was almost overhead and almost near enough to try and touch. 

“I like this view more.”

Ashton couldn't help but let his eyes flicker down to Luke's lips, caught up in a moment of the past, remembrance of the way they felt against his own setting his heart on fire. He could feel the heat work it's way up from his chest to his cheeks, staining them a deep red and oddly he was okay with that. Luke had been so transparent with his own emotions, saying what he felt and wanted when the mood struck him. Ashton was happy to be able to reciprocate in the smallest and most involuntary of ways. 

“We didn't have to come all the way to Coughlin Park for this view,” Ashton said quietly. “You could stare at me anywhere you know.” 

Luke chuckled, his dimples deepening as his smile broadened. “You wanted to watch planes take off and I wanted to watch you. We're both happy.”

“I want to kiss you again,” Ashton blurted out without thinking but it didn't matter because Luke was already moving in for the kiss, Ashton's heart taking flight like the plane overhead, soaring into the future as Luke's lips pressed to his. 

Ashton pulled away fractionally, their foreheads resting against each other, breathing in each other's air and hearing each other's hearts beat over the roar of planes and the chatter of other people. Ashton wanted to ask a million questions about the future and where they were headed- what with Luke leaving so soon and Ashton staying rooted to the pawn shop and Boston. 

Luke leaned into the touch of Ashton, their noses bumping together and Ashton loving the way it felt when Luke placed one more kiss to his cheek before pulling away completely. The last kiss felt as if one wasn't enough and it was true, Ashton craved more and more of Luke, only after three days of knowing him Ashton  _ needed  _ more. Luke felt unattainable and already his at the same time. Luke looked at Ashton with the promise and commitment of someone who was willing to stay but held the adventure in his heart of a wanderer. 

“You can kiss me anytime you want,” Luke said, almost using the exact tone Ashton had used when telling Luke he could look at him anywhere. 

Ashton couldn't even articulate at that point, all words had slipped from him but his body did the speaking for him, pulling Luke back in for another kiss- because Ashton wanted to and Luke had granted him such a permission. Ashton felt better in the three days he'd known Luke than he could recall of recent memory. He had to stop and wonder though- as was so ingrained in his being- if being with Luke in the moment was all just false promises that would inevitably lead to regret. Indecision coursed through him fleetingly, one look at Luke making up his mind. Luke was worth the uncertainty and going faster than Ashton was so used to. 

*** 

Ashton found himself in the aisles of the pawn shop after hours, using his keys to open the doors around eleven at night when he and Luke decided to drop in. Luke was curious to see more of the shop, Ashton having told him a number of stories during their week of escapades. Ashton prided himself on his storytelling abilities, how he could spin other people's worlds and a tiny sentiment of those worlds into words and enrapture other people. As interested as Ashton always was with the pieces that floated into his realm of reality, Luke seemed just as interested if not more. Luke first eyed his own guitar, a haunted hand taking one quick strum at the strings and then turning back to grasp at Ashton's. Ashton wouldn't tell Luke but he already had offers come in on the guitar, ones that Ashton had quickly refused. 

“What's down here?” Luke asked, ambling his way down an aisle that Ashton immediately knew was an assortment of all kinds of pieces. Sometimes they got merchandise that didn't fit a particular section of the shop and so it was left to the aisle of obscurity. It was mostly random trinkets that ended up in the aisle, things such as collectibles that weren't specific enough for their own section or outdated toys that didn't fit with others. 

“A lot of things actually,” Ashton mused as they stepped into the aisle. “This aisle is kind of reserved for the more ‘unique’ items we get.” 

Luke looked back at him, a lopsided grin on his face as he kept on his stride. Luke's legs were long and his gait was confident, Luke carrying himself the way Ashton wished he could. They came to a stop near the middle of the aisle, something catching Luke's eye and interesting him enough to examine it. He picked up something gold and sturdy, Ashton trying to catch a better glance at it between Luke's hands. 

It took a moment for him to recognize what it was, and when he did, he hurriedly said, “That shouldn't be in this aisle.” 

Luke looked up suddenly, eyes blown wide in surprise at the suddenness of Ashton's words. He tried to hand it over to Ashton but Ashton shook his head and let Luke keep examining it. Ashton peered at the music box over Luke's shoulder, standing on his tiptoes to get a better gaze at it. The box was intricate and gold, a woven design around the edges that flowed seamlessly to the top. Ashton was going to tell Luke to be careful with it because it was an antique but Luke's gentle hands seemed to take great care in the way he handled it. He gently set it back on the shelf and turned to be facing Ashton who quickly dropped from his tiptoes to flat feet. 

“Where did that come from?” Luke wondered aloud, searching Ashton's eyes for answers. 

“It was sold here about a month ago. An old man came in with it, he told me it was his wife’s before she immigrated to the states. He thought he lost it for years but he finally found it buried in storage a few years after she passed. He wanted to sell it so that it could bring someone else the same joy as it brought her.” Ashton reached for the box and undid the lid, the fragile clasp holding it together coming undone with the utmost care from Ashton. With deft hands he wound the toggle of the box and soon enough a soft melody played between them. The music was timeless and so were Luke’s eyes as they watched  the music box. Ashton felt comfort course through him. It was just him and Luke and an age old song. 

“This should be in the antique section,” Ashton said quietly as the song came to an end. He ran a soft hand over the intricate design, staring at it in wonder. He couldn't fathom how something so beautiful had been lost for so long. He looked back at Luke who was watching him intently. “I just don't understand why he would want to get rid of this.” 

“Sometimes it's better to let go of the past,” Luke murmured almost unsurely. “Maybe it was time for him to move on.” 

“But couldn't he have moved on with this?” 

Luke grinned. “Sometimes it doesn't work that way. It might've been easier to move on if he didn't have the past pulling him back.” 

Ashton bit his lip in contemplation. He realized the validity of Luke's words but in his own snarled mess of a mind he couldn't come to cope with them. He was anchored to his past, all of his decisions keeping him in place. That wasn't to say that he wasn't trying and striving to work on his future, he really truly was, but for every step he took forward his mind tried to push him back ten. 

“I wish it was as easy as that for me,” Ashton whispered. 

Luke reached for Ashton, pulling at his sleeve in an attempt to get Ashton to look him in the eye. Ashton finally caved and kept eye contact with Luke until Luke was finished his thought. “Maybe you just need something or  _ someone _ who can help you do that. You don't have to do everything on your own.” 

Ashton could read between the lines of Luke's words, could hear the meaning that soaked the two syllables of ‘someone’. Ashton wondered if that  _ someone  _ could be Luke. He felt the stirring beginnings of something within him whenever he was Luke, as if just with a touch of Luke's hand he could see himself letting go of the past, as if with the press of their lips Ashton could surge into the future. 

“I've done most things on my own my whole life,” Ashton admitted. 

Of course Ashton realized he had some help along the way in the form of his family and Michael, but the biggest obstacles, the ones that clawed away at his insides, had always been self imposed and self resolved. He took a moment to realize what it would mean if Luke were to be that  _ someone.  _ If Luke truly were the person to help Ashton let go of the past and move towards his future, he knew in his heart of hearts he wouldn't be able to let go of Luke. So, he was caught in an infinite loop of a conundrum. The very person who would be able to teach him to let go, he wouldn't be able to give up. 

“Well,” Luke began, drawing out the word to impossible lengths. Ashton could have breathed in the air of all the word and exhaled by the time Luke finished his one syllable. “Not anymore.” 

Ashton quirked his head to the side in confusion, he could make of the words whatever he wanted. He could speculate and hope that those three words meant Luke was offering to be that  _ someone.  _ But without verbal confirmation Ashton would drive himself crazy, left to his own devices and anxieties disguised as wonderment. 

“You have me,” Luke confirmed, once more tugging on Ashton's sleeve and looking at him with all the answers of the universe. 

Silence settled around them as Ashton let all of his anxiety melt away, the quiet embracing him evenly and calmly. In a moment of decidedness Ashton blurted out, “Do you want to get out of here and do something crazy?” 

Luke grinned. “What did you have in mind?” 

Luke's six words were what set them off down the street, following a star lit path with exploding comets in their hearts. They pounded the pavement with a loose hold of their hands, scurrying along down the dark sidewalk as they looped around the city. They went up a few different blocks, adventure on their minds and exploration setting them free. Ashton had a vague idea of what they could do, something he and Michael had always joked about doing during the summers but never braved trying. 

By the time they had come upon the location of Ashton's desire the night was growing old and the shine of the moon and stars was their only guiding light, all street lamps out of their way. 

“Breaking into a hotel pool for a late night swim? Now this, this is surprising behavior Ashton,” Luke pretend scolded around an elated grin. “I must say I do enjoy it.” 

Ashton laughed and gripped at the chain link fence, hooking the toe of his left shoe into the fence and lifting himself upward, the pool gleaming and inviting under the moonlight. Luke followed suit quickly, the boys hopping the fence in no time. Surprisingly Ashton was the first to strip off his clothes and shoes, standing in nothing but his boxers and facing the pool, one hand on the waistband of his boxers and the other unsurely by his side. It didn't take long for Luke to strip down as well, the dark and abandoned pool offering them an amount of privacy, if only it would stay that way. Ashton had a prickle of fear run up his spine at the possibility of being caught but he swallowed down his fear as Luke’s socks came off and were the last of his garments to fall to the cement in a heap. 

“You first,” Luke encouraged, gesturing towards the pool. 

Ashton took in a large breath and dove into the deep end of the pool, the cool water hitting his skin and making him feel alive. By the time he resurfaced his lungs cried in relief and his smile was labored with uncaught breaths. Luke quickly jumped in after Ashton, the splash of his jump hitting Ashton but he didn't even mind because when Luke surfaced he was face to face with Ashton, their bodies painted under the pool lights. 

They treaded water to stay afloat, Luke drifting closer to Ashton who was still catching his breath, but that task slipped away from him as Luke neared. Luke was perfection under the soft light of the moon, his blue eyes making Ashton feel like he was blissfully drowning in the sky. Luke smirked and dipped lower into the water, his bowed lips under the surface and Ashton could remember the taste of them on his. He could never forget such a pleasurable sin. 

“I've always said I wanted to do this, I just never did,” Ashton said into the night air, Luke pulling back up and kicking out, floating away from Ashton and towards the shallow end of the pool. 

“Is it everything you imagined it to be?” Luke wondered aloud, Ashton quickly swimming over to him. 

“And then some,” Ashton admitted. 

Ashton couldn't have ever imagined being in this scenario with someone like Luke. Luke was a wanderer who roamed from place to place and person to person. Ashton never thought his life would spin into a desirable mess of moment to moment and living on the metaphorical edge. He felt like he was stood on the edge of a cliff, the wind hitting his back but Luke's arms were secured around his front, keeping him from plummeting. 

Luke stopped near the edge of the pool, throwing his elbows up and out of the water to rest on the cement floor. Ashton found him enticing, the way his skin was illuminated and his eyes shone. He wondered what Luke thought of him in that moment. He wondered if maybe Luke had some of the same thoughts he did, wondered if maybe they weren't so different after all. 

“This was a great idea,” Luke commented from his post at the edge of the pool. The night air prickled at Ashton's exposed skin, his cheeks flushed with the cool breeze and temperature dip from the night. The pool water was warmer than the air and inviting as Ashton dipped lower and swam up to Luke, coming to a stop directly in front of him. 

“Just because you're here with me,” Ashton said lightly. He took a chance on the words, waiting to feel his body in freefall, surging off the edge of the cliff but Luke reached out to him, pulling his body weightlessly into his, arms metaphorically and literally wrapped around him. 

“Keeping good company?” Luke asked, throwing Ashton back into their first night at the park. 

If fate- or whatever it was; fate, luck, chance, a divine intervention- hadn't thrown them back together after meeting in the pawn shop Ashton may have never seen Luke again. Luke could have walked away from the pawn shop and Boston and Ashton without a second thought. That thought could destroy Ashton in a matter of moments and the fact that it could after only a number of days of knowing Luke scared Ashton to his core. He knew that whatever it was they had, whatever they were working toward, Ashton wasn't ready to let go of it but with Luke's departure quickly approaching, it was a bridge he'd have to cross sooner rather than later. He felt like the bridge was crumbling before he even took a step onto it, that on the other side a wildfire was set loose and that on the side he was on reality was chasing him to the other end. 

Ashton moved in closer to Luke, taking advantage of their deal they'd made when watching planes take flight. He kissed Luke fervently, feeling the need to express everything inside of him without having to say it. Luke tasted like chlorine and mint, an odd combination but Ashton didn't care, his hands wound up in Luke's tresses, Luke's own trailing from Ashton's shoulders and down his back, into the water below. His touch was then diluted by water but still managed to spark something deep within Ashton. Ashton could feel heat building in him, rising like the sun in the morning sky, a pure blue flame bursting inside of him as Luke swept his tongue along Ashton's lower lip. Ashton was caught up in the feeling of how  _ right  _ it felt being with Luke that the future didn't seem so daunting- if only for a moment. 

It was short lived- their need for oxygen winning, though Ashton was pretty sure that with every touch Luke breathed life into him- they pulled apart but Luke leaned back in, rubbing his nose against Ashton's lightly, sending flurries of light skipping through Ashton's stomach. He didn't feel like the sun rising into the morning sky anymore, he felt comets racing through his veins, heating his blood and setting his heart on fire. He felt shooting stars dancing on his skin and moonlight gracing his soul. Ashton's eyes fluttered open, a light in the hotel greeting him, burning fear into the back of his throat as he heard footsteps nearing. Luke's eyes shot open too and laughs fell from them through the anxiety of being caught as they raced out of the pool, clothes in soaked hands and pushed the fence open to make an escape. 

They ran down the streets, ducking into a corner to hastily pull their clothes back on, exhilaration coursing so freely through Ashton. Pure elation and freedom floated lightly through Ashton's chest as he buttoned his pants and tried to contain his labored breathing from exertion and anxiety. Though it was a rush to have done something as bold as that Ashton always had an underlying fear of getting caught. Their escape only added to the adrenaline of the night, a million feelings bombarded Ashton in a matter of hours, Ashton finally feeling vividly and freely. 

Their hair was still wet and dripping chlorinated drops of water into their eyes but Ashton didn't mind seeing past the haze because Luke's hand was in his and the night was breaking around them, preparing itself for dawn. They wandered down a few different blocks not really in search of anything but an all night diner presented itself to them. They strode inside, the aroma of stale coffee and burned bacon assaulting Ashton's senses but they picked a booth in the back that was all worn leather. Ashton slid into the seat, noting the rips in the leather that exposed the cheap padding underneath, saw the ring of coffee stains on the faux marble table and the way Luke looked like bliss. 

“Let's get breakfast,” Luke suggested as he flipped through a discarded menu. “The pancakes don't look bad.” 

Ashton watched as Luke scanned the menu, gazing at eyes that flickered up and down the grease stained pages. Luke's small hands held the menu gingerly, his nails clipped down to the skin and a ring on his pinky finger. Ashton had surprisingly never noticed the ring before and he wondered for a moment if it were the first time Luke was wearing it. By the time Luke looked back up at Ashton he was caught in his act of staring. Luke let the menu drop and almost as if unconsciously went to twirl the ring around his finger. 

“I got this in Italy when Calum and I went backpacking after high school,” Luke said in a daze. Ashton could see the far off look in Luke's eyes, knowing Luke’s thoughts were back in Italy, somewhere far away from Ashton. Soon enough Luke would be too. 

“Would you ever go back to Italy?” Ashton questioned. 

“If I had the chance. First things first, I need to get to LA.” 

“It's only about three thousand miles that way,” Ashton said and pointed off vaguely out the window not even sure if the direction he pointed was correct. All he knew was that three thousand miles was more than his thoughts could fathom. “You're nearly there.” 

Luke chuckled. “Seems like you can't wait to get me out of here.” 

“The sooner the better,” Ashton joked around the strain in his voice. 

Ashton looked down at his hands that had come to be ripping paper off a straw wrapper, tiny pieces of white scattered about the table top. His hands stopped their meticulous picking when Luke's covered them. Ashton looked back up, meeting even gazes with Luke. 

“We’ll stay in touch, right?” Luke asked with every ounce of sincerity the whole universe could provide him. 

Ashton wanted to scream.  _ Yes  _ sat at the back of his throat and tried to climb it's way to the tip of his tongue but he feared if he were to say the word it would come out mangled. Luke seemed to be waiting for Ashton's response, hope settling behind the blue of his eyes, dark circles painted under them that contrasted his delicately pale skin. Ashton mustered a nod. He wanted nothing more than to stay in touch with Luke- with whatever means necessary it would take. 

“I never meant to dive in so deep. But it was just so easy with you,” Luke admitted. Ashton could feel the build up of a bigger confession coming but it was cut short when the waitress finally ambled her way over and took their drink orders, the mood for admittance vanishing. 

As soon as the waitress left Ashton felt compelled to ask Luke if there was anymore to the small tidbit of a confession he had said earlier but Luke had already changed topics. 

“There's a jukebox in the corner,” Luke pointed out, eyeing the machine. Ashton tugged at his jean jacket and rifled through one of the pockets, pulling out a few spare quarters. He shook the change in his hand and gestured towards the jukebox. Luke smiled happily and they both got up to stride towards it. Luke stood directly in front of it, Ashton standing to Luke's side, nearly pressed against it as he watched Luke flip through titles aimlessly. 

“Elvis, Queen, The Beatles,” Luke murmured uninterestedly and then suddenly brightened as quick as a switch. “It has Sinatra!” 

Ashton peered over the side and read the title of the song,  _ Fly Me To The Moon  _ blinked back at him as Luke deposited the coins and pressed play. 

“My dad always used to play Sinatra in his study when I was little. I remember his old record player and sitting in his big office chair just to watch the record spin and my dad look so at ease,” Luke said fondly. “I think that's where my love of music comes from.” 

Ashton had a sudden realization. “I've never heard you play before.” 

Over the music that now drifted between them Luke smiled. “We’ll have to change that sometime.” 

Ashton knew that sometime would have to mean sometime  _ soon.  _ Luke didn't have much time left in Boston, his month lease would be up and he'd be onto his next destination. Ashton bit his lip. “I’d like that.” 

“I can play you an original I've been working on,” Luke said and brightened. 

Over the past week and a half Ashton had come to see a lot of different colors from Luke, but right then and there Luke was shining anew. Ashton couldn't determine past the dazzling smile and hope in his eyes. He couldn't see farther than where Luke stood. He didn't want to see anyone but him. 

Ashton looked back at their table, noting their drinks had arrived and the song was coming to a close. Ashton hadn't listened very intently to the song, he was much too wrapped up in Luke. Ashton gestured for Luke to follow him back to the table where their drinks sat waiting. The waitress came back over to take the rest of their orders, early morning work haze hanging over her. 

They ordered breakfast and traded stories around mouthfuls of pancakes, sweet syrup sticking to their fingers and melting into their skin. Ashton thought to himself that early morning breakfast with Luke could be something of routine even though it was so out of the ordinary for him. As sporadic as Luke was he brought balance to Ashton's life. 

*** 

Ashton opened the register of the pawn shop, placing a wad of cash inside. He's just sold another trinket, an antique piece that had come to the shop in a flurry of other pieces. Luke stood to the side of the counter, leaning casually against the glass as he watched Ashton make the sale. Business was running smoothly, a Friday providing them a bit more customers than usual. Ashton had wanted to be with Luke and Luke had wanted the same. 

“I really don't know how you do it,” Luke commented lightly. 

“Do what?” 

“Sales. You make everything seem so important and valuable. You just- you have a way about you that even I can't describe. It's something more than charisma or charm. It's something so  _ you _ it doesn't even have a word yet.” 

Ashton was taken aback. He'd never considered himself to be charismatic or charming. He only ever thought the words he spoke were genuine and the pieces he tried to sell were worthy of such talk. Luke's casual position against the counter broke as he straightened up when a customer came through the door, approaching the counter hastily. 

The customer held a rectangular box in their hands, whatever was inside the box was disguised by their hands and the cardboard covering it. Ashton greeted them kindly and inquired about what services they'd be needing. 

“I’d like to sell this,” they said sharply, a timely manner falling over them. Ashton had had his fair share of run ins with customers who thought they were above it all, the ones that held such an attitude and always asked to speak with a manager. Ashton had always just pointed at himself, he was as close to a manager as they'd be getting. Unless of course they so desired to speak with Michael- in which case Ashton would be more than happy to oblige such a request. Nobody could ever out mouth or out argue Michael. 

“What is it exactly?” Ashton asked hesitantly, the customer still not revealing what was in their grasp. 

They pushed up closer to the counter and laid it down on the glass, opening the cardboard folds of the box to reveal a copious amount of bubble wrap. Ashton waited, feeling Luke's eyes on him and knew Luke held a humorous smile. He was probably finding the exchange to be hilarious- because that's what Luke did. He could find the humor in anything and could brush things off as easily as they happened. 

The customer rifled through the bubble wrap and finally pulled out what seemed to be a brooch studded with diamonds. Ashton sighed and pulled out his jewelers loupe to inspect it but was cut short when the customer interrupted him. 

“It's real,” they insisted. 

Ashton bit back the urge to roll his eyes and instead said, “Then you wouldn't mind me inspecting it to make sure I give you a fair price.” 

The customer huffed out a breath of air but handed the brooch over. It didn't take long for Ashton to realize that the diamonds encrusted into it were fake. He knew he couldn't pay for this, and he held no sympathy for someone who held such an attitude. 

“I'm sorry to tell you that these diamonds are fake. I can't buy this from you,” Ashton said as gently as he could even though he sincerely wished he could give as much attitude as he was being given. 

The customer all but ripped the brooch away from him and turned on their heel to storm out of the store. Ashton looked at Luke in disbelief and Luke laughed. 

“That brooch was ugly anyway,” Luke said through a chuckle. “Almost as ugly as their attitude.”

Ashton shook his head in silent shock but ultimately ended up laughing along with Luke. It was easy to laugh with Luke, even when people and things just didn't go right. Luke was easy to be with and easy to lift the mood. Ashton appreciated that more than he could articulate. There was only a couple days left until Luke would be leaving Boston, Calum had secured them bus tickets that would bring them straight into LA. 

Ashton looked at the antique clock on the wall, willing it to move faster for once in his life. He wanted to be able to take off with Luke, the promise of adventure tumbling from his lips as soon as he'd entered the shop making Ashton's heart skip a beat. Ashton just needed to finish his shift, Michael nowhere to be found when Luke entered, he was probably ‘stocking shelves in the back’. Which meant Ashton was left to man the store on his own. Luke had been understanding to say the least, even offering to help Ashton put price tags on items and joke that he would be security. 

A few more customers came and went by the time the clock on the wall told Ashton he could leave for the day. He didn't take long to lock up, Michael scurrying out of the shop faster than usual. Ashton wondered where it was he was off to when he went the opposite direction of home. 

“Ready for an adventure?” Luke asked once Ashton turned the key in the lock and gave the door one last tug to make sure all was secure. 

“Yes,” Ashton said without missing a beat. Something inside of him had flipped, he was more willing to set off on adventure and the concept of time slipping away from him wasn't as daunting. His ways hadn't changed completely, he hadn't pulled a one eighty overnight but he was working on opening himself up to more opportunities. The less he said ‘no’ the more he enjoyed his time. 

“I thought we could go to a ball game, apparently you can't live in Boston and not catch a game. I think it's against the law,” Luke said as he fanned a pair of tickets out. Ashton wanted to protest to that, Luke shouldn't have spent money on tickets when he was trying to save up for his future but he knew Luke would argue him on it and when Ashton looked closer at the tickets they were cheap seats so he bit his tongue- happy to just be with Luke. 

“I think the law was actually written just a year ago, you made it just in time for it to be enforceable,” Ashton said offhandedly. “I've been taking my siblings to games since we moved here.” 

“And you didn't even warn me about it?” Luke asked and then his stride broke. “Or tell me that you have siblings?” 

Ashton shrugged. “I guess there's still a lot you don't know about Boston and me.” 

The realization that they didn't know each other as well as they may have felt they did was sudden and startling. Ashton had been living in a romantic daze, letting his imagination roam and his emotions run rampant. As soon as the realization came over him it passed. He may not have known every microscopic detail of Luke's life and past yet- but he knew in the present the way Luke made him feel. Ashton knew that his heart had never felt better and that time didn't scare him as much as it used to. He knew that Luke was a vital part of that. He knew that when Luke touched him his body had a visceral reaction and that he was able to look forward to the future. 

The details of their lives would come along, there was only so much they could pack into two weeks of knowing each other. With the promise of staying in touch Ashton had a feeling that all they would need to know about each other would fall into place nicely. They didn't have to rush into things and they didn't have to define what they were either. Ashton was happily going about his life, faster than usual but timeless all the same. Every moment with Luke was drenched in slow motion, an odd balance of time and emotion hanging precariously yet beautifully in the balance. 

They made their way to Fenway, Yawkey Way filled with game goers donned in jerseys and other team memorabilia. Ashton was caught up in the nostalgic feeling of it all, the people there all in support and wearing home town pride on their sleeves. Ashton knew this was where he belonged; the place he would always comes back to at the least. His heart was cemented into the streets of Boston but his soul longed to wander. 

Ashton pulled Luke to the side of the street, a vendor offering various different merchandise. Ashton wanted Luke to have something for remembrance of one of their last days together. Ashton pulled a blue hat off a rack, a Boston red ‘B’ stitched into the front. Before Luke had a chance to protest Ashton handed the correct amount of money over to the vendor and hastily placed it on Luke's head. 

“Now you fit in with the rest of us. You're not such a tourist anymore,” Ashton joked. 

“You're not wearing anything Boston related.” 

“I've lived here long enough. I get a pass,” Ashton asserted which only made Luke laugh. “You on the other hand are new and wandering. You basically scream  _ tourist. _ ” 

“It's a good thing I have you to guide me. What ever will I do without you?” Luke asked light heartedly, not even realizing the validity of the question. Ashton flipped the question to himself, wondering what it would be like when Luke was gone and how they'd stay in touch when Luke bounced from place to place, never content for too long. 

Luke had opened up to Ashton one lazy afternoon in the pawn shop, telling him all about how his bones were restless and he couldn't seem to find a home anywhere he landed. He said the words thickly, as if the notion bothered him immensely. He told Ashton that he thought LA was his one chance at finding where he belonged. Ashton could do nothing but encourage Luke. It was different from their discussion at the park, it was heavier, holding the weight of worlds in broken syllables. 

Ashton couldn't comprehend the feeling of wanting to pack up and leave everything behind forever. He had a yearning desire to wander temporarily but with Luke it seemed that temporary was his home. Ashton did wonder if when Luke got to California he would be satisfied or if it would fizzle and fade and he'd want to venture on. He hadn't brought up that question yet, he was almost scared of the answer. California was already far enough away, Ashton didn't know how much further Luke could get, how much more distance would be between them. Luke hadn't even left yet and distance was already coming between them. 

Instead of diving deep into the question Luke had posed Ashton managed to choke out a light hearted, “I'm sure you'll find your way just fine without me.” 

The banter seemed to suffice as Luke merely smiled and kept strolling along, keeping pace to enter Fenway. They made their way through soon enough, presenting their tickets and being shown the way with a vague hand gesture to their seats. They sat high up and towards the back, a perfect view of third base in their line of sight. 

The night was warm but held a cool breeze that Ashton appreciated. The game started, the atmosphere incredible around them. Home games in Boston were a fanfare, almost everyone in the stadium there for the love of their team; to show support to something they loved. Ashton was always in awe at the crowd during home games, feeling home in his heart as he had come to need Boston in his life. He couldn't even remember what home was before and couldn't picture it after. 

“I'm really glad you get to see a game before you leave,” Ashton told Luke, a smile as easy as the breeze donning on his face. He liked the way Luke looked in Boston attire, liked to see Luke in a place that held tradition. It felt right. “Maybe you'll even catch a ball if you're lucky.” 

“You think?” Luke questioned, genuinely curious at the chances. “Have you ever caught one?” 

Ashton leaned back, prepared to tell the story of his foul ball. “A couple years ago I was here with my little brother Harry- right over there actually-” Ashton said and pointed towards the foul post near third base, just a bit off from where they were sat. “It was a pop fly of a hit, I stood and reached all the way up and just knocked the ball right into Harry’s lap. He has it on display in his room still. He tells  _ everyone  _ about it.” 

Luke laughed. “If one of my older brothers had done that I'm pretty sure they would have taken it from me and kept it for themselves.” 

“There's no way I could have done that, it would've crushed him.” 

“Well, you're certainly nicer than Ben and Jack. They used to steal bits of my allowance from me every week and say it was ‘compensation’.” 

“Compensation for what?” Ashton asked, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. 

Luke rolled his eyes light heartedly, almost fondly in a way. “For having to put up with me I guess.” 

Ashton laughed and they fell into an easy small talk, exchanging more stories of childhood and siblings and home. They kept bits of conversation up during the game, Ashton informing Luke of the basics of baseball, Luke ignorant to the sport almost all together. Ashton had the time of his life way up high in the stands with Luke beside him. They cheered and ate greasy ballpark food, Luke not having enough praise for the food. 

Luke seemed to be immensely enjoying himself when the seventh inning stretch came around and he was all smiles and sparkling eyes. Ashton felt a sense of his own happiness settle into his heart as he gazed at Luke. The night was dark but the lights of the stadium set everything aglow. 

“How’re you liking your first baseball game?” Ashton asked, still not understanding how Luke had never been to a game before. 

“It's a lot more fun than I thought it would be,” Luke said honestly. “But maybe it's just because I'm with you.” 

Ashton blushed, butterflies content to flurry through his stomach whenever Luke said such words. Ashton heard the lilt of familiarity and fondness in Luke's tone, he could pick up on it almost instinctively, he never had to search for the meaning of Luke's words and try to decipher his tone. He just knew. As complicated as their unwinding relationship was becoming, there was something simplistic in the way they could so easily communicate with each other. It gave Ashton hope that they could continue whatever they were wherever they ended up. 

“Not because the Sox are winning?” Ashton jived, sending Luke a teasing look. 

Luke rolled his eyes. “I guess that does help, but I wouldn't be as excited to celebrate if you weren't here.” 

Ashton smiled as they took their seats again, the game continuing on, the Sox keeping their lead throughout out the rest of the night. Their conversation was easy, flowing between plays and laughs falling from them in a calm sort of way. 

Ashton felt a blissful sort of low when they walked out of Fenway, the Red Sox had won but the game was over and Luke's time was running thin. If Ashton lived in a perfect world he assumed that everyday would be much the same as what it just was. He'd spend time in the shop and with Luke, they'd leave for the streets of Boston and spend the night together. But Ashton's world wasn't perfect and reality was always lurking around the corner, the inevitably of Luke's departure quickly approaching. Ashton was holding onto the hope that things would turn out okay, shaking hands grasping at something intangible, but he held on nonetheless. 

***

The day that Ashton had been dreading approached with a vengeance. He woke up on the day that Luke would leave somberly, heavy limbs dragging him through the morning. The concept of time had flipped on Ashton, how days went by so fast and two weeks felt like two seconds astounded him. He knew from day one that Luke would be temporarily here and gone in a moment, but it didn't stop him from pursuing something with him. That  _ something  _ was undefined but labels were only labels and didn't amount to much when they both knew how they felt. They'd briefly talked about it once, deciding not to assign anything to their ‘relationship’ and that they'd just take it day by day and see where they ended up. Luke would be out there in the world somewhere, whether things worked out in LA or not, Ashton knew Luke would yearn to wander and nothing would stop him. Ashton would be in Boston, right where Luke knew he would be.

Michael had been unusually quiet during the morning shift, something amiss with Ashton's usually loud mouth best friend. Ashton eyed him down across an aisle, Michael actually stocking a shelf for once. Ashton cleared his throat to catch Michael's attention. 

“Yes?” Michael inquired, not letting his odd mood clip his words. He sounded almost the same as ever but Ashton could just barely pick up on the undertone in his voice. Something was most definitely off. 

“You alright over there?” 

Michael shrugged. “I just thought I'd be helpful today.” 

Ashton's eyebrows furrowed at Michael's words. “Why today?” 

Again Michael shrugged and Ashton folded his arms over his chest, throwing Michael a look that begged him to explain. “I just know today's gonna be hard for you what with Luke leaving and all.” 

Ashton was stunned at the words. Michael had always been there for him, that wasn't arguable, but his tactics had always been a bit unorthodox. To be  _ helpful  _ on such a day was strange. Ashton could've sworn Michael would've been louder than usual, trying his very hardest to get him to laugh, just being his general goofy self so to see him being so serious was strange. 

“Just be Michael,” Ashton said simply. “We’ve always gotten through things together. I can't have you changing routine on me.” 

Michael fiddled with something on the shelf absentmindedly, looking at Ashton but not really seeing him. “I'm just worried for you is all.” 

Ashton implored those words, trying to understand why Michael would be so worried. Ashton didn't think he'd given cause for alarm with his relationship with Luke, he didn't think that Michael had picked up on much more than the obvious fact that Ashton liked Luke and Luke liked him back. Ashton wasn't aware that Michael could be perceptive enough to worry about what the distance might entail. 

“I've just never seen you like this before. You're downright smitten,” Michael continued. “I don't think you've liked anybody as much as you like Luke. I'm just scared that he’ll leave and you'll be crushed.” 

“We’re going to stay in contact,” Ashton managed to mumble out. He neared Michael, stopping just short of his best friend as a lump in his throat grew. “I'm not expecting much so I won't get my hopes ruined.” 

Ashton wasn't sure if he believed his own words but he felt he needed to say them. He needed to say something that might help quell Michael's worry for him. Ashton didn't want Michael up in arms over this. Ashton could realize why Michael held onto such worries, he himself had tried a long distance relationship once and it had crumbled before it really began. He said she was the love of his life but Michael fell in love with nearly everyone who passed by. He fell hard and he fell fast. Ashton was slower. Sure he may have been falling but he wasn't plummeting the way Michael usually did. 

“Are you sure about that?” Michael asked. “Because you can go into it totally unaware of how much you really  _ want  _ from it. And then, when it doesn't happen the way you've built it up to be in your mind, it's a total fucking let down.” 

“I know that happened with you and  _ her _ but these are totally different circumstances.”

Michael shrugged, the motion exaggerated and his face contorting into something of uncertainty to mask the pain of the past. “That’s what you think now. That can change in a split second though.”

Ashton breathed out sharply, the air in his lungs seemingly on fire as he stared at the broken look in Michael’s eyes, dark circles under them that screamed of sleepless nights and haunted pasts. 

“I'll come to you if I need help,” Ashton promised, restoring a little bit of faith into Michael. “Just like you can come to me.” 

The item that Michael had been previously fiddling with was put back onto the shelf, Michael's hands deftly placing it back into its spot before pushing hair out of his eyes. Ashton noticed that Michael hadn't gotten a haircut in quite a while, his bleached hair growing to a length that reminded Ashton of when they were in high school. Ashton had been so preoccupied with his fixation on Luke that he feared his friendship with Michael was falling through the cracks. 

“You are doing okay? Aren't you?” Ashton went on to ask, needing to solidify that his best friend was in fact okay. Ashton could usually pick up on those things with Michael, tiny quirks that were merely cogs in the machine of Michael's being. It wasn't unusual for Michael to change up his hair or to have snits of silence and despondent moods, what was unusual was the fact that Michael hadn't been forthcoming with why he was in such a place. If Michael was pissed off, he would say so. If he needed space, he'd say his goodbye and take his time. 

Michael's shoulders sagged and he rubbed at his jawline unsurely. “It's nothing new, just a sliver of the daily drama. I'll be over it by tomorrow, you know how it goes.” 

Ashton let them fall into silence as he contemplated Michael's words. He wanted to take what Michael was telling him for face value and believe it all. He wanted to, but there was a tiny inkling of doubt he held onto. He pushed it aside, realizing that prodding Michael when he was in such a state may not be the wisest decision. 

“Hey, why don't I cover for you so you can enjoy your last few hours with Luke outside of this place? You really should take a break from here more often.” 

“You want to?” Ashton inquired, not believing how his day was unfolding. 

Michael nodded hurriedly. “It's been good for you to get out of here with him. I want you to have one last summer adventure with him before he's gone. And then I want you to come back here and tell me all about it.” 

Ashton beamed at Michael and couldn't stop himself from embracing his best friend, realizing why their friendship worked so well. They were willing to make sacrifices for each other and put the other first with no questions asked. Unless those questions were sarcastic quips from Michael. Michael hugged Ashton back and it felt  _ normal.  _ Whatever was bugging Michael wasn't deep rooted, it probably lingered on the surface and would break away on its own. 

“Thanks buddy, I owe you one,” Ashton said as he broke away from the hug and the door to the shop opened. 

“Ashton, Michael,” Luke greeted casually, strolling up to them and reaching into the pocket of his white t-shirt. “I have something for you guys.” 

Ashton looked on curiously as Luke pulled a small coin out of his pocket. Michael seemed unimpressed as Ashton looked at him and then back to the coin. Ashton was befuddled. 

“A penny?” Ashton asked, finally able to distinguish it for what it was. 

“It's a wheat penny,” Luke informed, rolling the coin between his knuckles. “Not worth much compared to other coins, but worth more compared to an ordinary penny.” 

Ashton was only partially familiar with wheat pennies but he was more so concerned as to why Luke had said it was for them. Luke let the penny stop in its procession of rolling about his knuckles, stopping it at his index finger and pushing it to his thumb to toss it off to Ashton who just barely reacted in time to catch it. 

“I found it on the sidewalk, it should be in here. Maybe a collector will want it.” 

Ashton cocked his head to the side. “You don't want to keep it or sell it or something? It could be worth something more one day.” 

“Don't question the man. Take the freebie and run with it,” Michael cut in, sounding a lot more like himself. 

Luke grinned. “It's not worth anything to me, it could mean a lot to someone else. Sell it, give it away, leave it in a change drop, repurpose it, you're much better at dealing with the past than I am.” 

Luke said the words with such sincerity that they struck Ashton and made him breathless for a fleeting moment. Ashton let his gaze slip down to his hand where the coin laid in his palm. He unfurled his fingers and exposed the coin, it stared back at him but Ashton wasn't able to attach the past or the future to it. 

“I'll take care of it,” Ashton said vaguely, slipping it into the pocket of his shorts. “You ready to get out of here?” 

Luke merely nodded as Ashton unfastened his name tag and dropped it into Michael's waiting hand. 

“You kids be good, don't get into too much trouble,” Michael called after them as they headed for the door. “Or do, I don't really care.” 

Ashton felt his wary nerves settle and that his heart was at ease to hear Michael so openly joking around with them. Luke laughed back at Michael and threw a hasty ‘no promises’ over his shoulder as the door shut behind them. Once again Ashton found himself unsure of their destination but his footsteps were light and the sun was shining brilliantly in the sky. 

“Want to help me finish packing?” Luke asked breezily all while keeping stride. 

“You leave in five hours and you still haven't finished packing?” 

“There's only a few minor details left and I wanted to show you some things before… well  _ you know… _ it'll be worth it, I promise.” 

It felt to Ashton as if Luke couldn't even come to terms with saying the inevitable. That he was leaving. Leaving Boston and Ashton. Ashton wasn't sure if it would've felt better to hear Luke say the words or if eluding them actually helped, as if it would be too painful a realization to have them put out into the world so openly- coming from the person they would mean the most from. 

Ashton huffed out a breath of disbelief- not at the fact that Luke hadn't finished packing but more so at the fact that Ashton found it to be surprising. He followed Luke along, only having been at his apartment once, Ashton had rung for Luke to come down and hadn't seen much more than the front doors of the complex so it was safe to say his curiosity was biting at him. He'd wondered where Luke stayed, what the inside would feel like and if his adventures would be displayed along the walls of his temporary home. Ashton had thought about the fact that Luke never stayed one place too long, he wondered what if felt like to not have a place be  _ home  _ but rather just a house or an apartment. It was a foreign feeling that intruded upon him as he followed Luke along the streets that would lead to his apartment. 

Luke's apartment wasn't too far off from the shop and it didn't take them long to get there. Luke resided on the top floor of the complex, a small one bedroom with not much other than the necessities for two boys- a lot of take out in the fridge and guitar picks scattered on the countertop. Some of them were worn out and others were in pristine condition. 

“Cozy,” Ashton observed as they walked in. “It really screams bachelor pad in here.” 

Ashton could tell that for the month Luke and Calum had been living in Boston they'd mostly been living out of their suitcases and crashing on the couches that came with the place. Luke had once said they couldn't decide who got the bedroom so neither of them had taken it, Ashton figured it was logical to them in some way and hadn't questioned it further. 

The place wasn't too much smaller than what he and Michael shared. Of course he and Michael had their own rooms and a bathroom that joined them, but the layout was similar and the vibe was relaxed past the furious need to pack the rest of their few things. Ashton noted they didn't have much, just what would fit into a few suitcases between them and the food in the fridge. 

Luke walked to one of the open suitcases, a wheel on it missing and the items inside cluttered and overspilling. He rummaged through for a moment and pulled out a stack of something small and rectangular, upon closer inspection it seemed to be a stack of polaroid photos. Luke flipped through them for a moment and then turned to Ashton, fanning them out to display them for Ashton. 

The first one Ashton eyed was Luke standing back to The Leaning Tower of Pisa, as if inspecting the historical building in a candid shot when Ashton could mostly guess Luke had instructed Calum to take the photo in that exact way. Ashton smiled as Luke explained their time in Italy with a little more depth than their first discussion in the diner. 

“We just went all around, trying to venture every part of Italy, trying to leave no stone unturned and no path unwalked. This was when I was still trying to figure out what I wanted in life, where I was going; I barely even knew where I had been.” 

Ashton thought that maybe he and Luke were coming to find some similarities within each other, whether Ashton were brave enough to articulate them or not. He didn't like to admit the tragic feeling of being lost in his own life when he'd hardly ever wandered at all. He knew Boston was where he would always come back to, but there were places and things he knew he needed to see. 

Luke flipped through the rest of the photos, each one in a new location around the world. Ashton was astounded at all the places Luke had been, all the adventures he had whole heartedly pursued. Ashton thought back to watching the planes take off, how he had admitted that there was a yearning desire for him to hop a flight and wander on. That desire came back to him as Luke finished off the last story of his travels, a buildup of need in Ashton's chest begging him to follow through with what he was so beautifully scared to do. 

“There's one last thing I want to show you,” Luke said as he put the stack of photos haphazardly back into the suitcase. The photos were spread out around the other various items in the suitcase now, the stack falling apart as Luke threw them in without much care. 

Ashton waited for Luke to get his bearings and find whatever it was he wanted to show him. The air in the apartment was stiff and and warm, the small window in the corner begging to be opened to let the fresh summer breeze in. Ashton stood still as he waited, just watching Luke flounce about the tiny square footage in search of said item. 

Luke found what he was looking for in a duffel bag, a notebook catching Ashton's eyes as Luke pulled it out. The notebook was simple- black and spiral bound with clean white pages. Luke opened the cover and revealed to Ashton that the first page was empty. 

“I thought I'd use this to write to you while I'm in LA.” 

Ashton's heart skipped a beat as Luke handed the notebook over unsurely and bit his lip; waiting for Ashton to say something. There were no words to describe the gratefulness that entered Ashton's body, he could hardly believe that Luke had put thought into what the future would hold for them. Ashton figured they were winging it, going about day by day with no real plan set in stone. 

“And you could write back to me, if you want,” Luke said unconfidently. It sounded to Ashton as if Luke were convinced Ashton would say no, that he didn't want to stay in touch with Luke, as if distance was a deciding factor in not wanting to continue knowing him. 

“I'd love to,” Ashton replied quickly, trying to settle some nerves that were almost palpable in the small apartment. Luke blew out a big breath of relief, showing Ashton a completely new side to him. 

Luke was usually so easy going and managed to go with the flow of wherever the winds took him. It was odd to see worry so clearly written on his face and uncertainty shaking his hands. Ashton wanted to set Luke's mind at ease. Of course Ashton wanted to write Luke while he was gone- for however long that may be. 

“Well that's good news then, because I really don't want to lose you,” Luke said and then blushed and hastily backtracked. “Lose touch with you- I want to keep knowing you.” 

Ashton grinned and they eventually set off to finishing packing the few things Luke had. They wasted time as they bantered back and forth, throwing things at each other and Luke eventually jokingly charging at Ashton to topple them both into the floor. They laid there; giggles tumbling from their lips, elated smiles and unsteady breathing as they realized their time was coming to a quick end. They knew their messing around time had halted when Calum walked through the door and zipped up the last of his bags, throwing Luke a knowing look. 

“We’ll meet you at the bus station,” Luke promised, making sure that Calum left just before them so they could walk on their own. Ashton hefted one of Luke's bags onto his shoulder and Luke towed a suitcase behind him as they left the building. They walked to the bus station in silence, it was a heavy and uneven silence, one that crept around them and left them both without words. The silence wasn't for lack of trying to communicate- there were a million things Ashton wanted to say to Luke before he left- a thousand questions he wanted answers to but the words simply would not escape him. 

They came upon the bus station soon enough, Luke’s bags in tow and a heavy feeling of melancholy hanging over both of them. They stopped before they reached where Calum was patiently waiting, giving themselves a bit of distance and enough privacy to say goodbye on their own. Ashton wasn't completely sure what he was supposed to say but it seemed he didn't need to say anything because Luke had quickly wrapped him in a hug wordlessly. 

Ashton was happy that Luke was setting off to find where he belonged, he hoped with all of his heart that Luke would be content in LA, that it may make a home in his heart and settle his restless bones. Ashton knew opportunity was scattered about the city, and he sincerely believed that Luke could make the most of it. 

“I'll write you letters along the way and mail them as soon as I'm there,” Luke mumbled out a promise. Ashton knew- he could feel it in his bones- that Luke would keep that promise. 

It didn't feel as if they'd known each other for only two weeks but the blistering truth was they had. Two weeks in the grand scheme of time was minuscule, Luke would likely be away longer than he had known Ashton. It was frightening for Ashton to think about but he pushed any and all negativity away from him and focused in on the sincerity and commitment in Luke's eyes. 

“I'll write back as soon as they come in,” Ashton responded. “I want to know all about LA and how your dreams are going. Don't leave anything out.” 

Luke pulled away from the hug to be eye to eye with Ashton who was trying not to tremble at the reality around him. This was the moment where his life would change completely and he was coming to face it head on. He had no other choice. Luke's hands rested on his shoulders and they felt like anchors weighing Ashton down, keeping him lost at sea where Luke's eyes had pulled him out to. 

“And you tell me if you hop a plane and take off for adventure. I'll find my way to you,” Luke asserted. “I'm always down for a spontaneous trip.” 

Ashton smiled slightly, knowing how serious Luke probably was. Luke had no inhibitions with traveling and uprooting from place to place- which was why it was so easy for him to head to LA. Ashton was scared but happy, scared that he would be losing Luke before ever truly having him but happy that Luke might find himself on the way. 

“You'll be the first person I tell.” Ashton shifted to be closer to Luke, pressing himself back into Luke's chest for one last embrace. He felt the need and sudden urge to kiss Luke again but he feared if he did it would only make having to watch him walk away a million times harder. He settled for resting his head on Luke's chest, his arms wrapped around his waist and Luke's wrapped around him too. Ashton could hear the rhythmic  _ thump  _ of Luke's heart beating, reminding him that he was still there and that in the moment everything was steady. 

Ashton could have stood like that for several eternities, but everything comes to an end and he knew Luke's bus would be there soon enough. He pulled away from the hug and went on his tiptoes to place a soft kiss on Luke's cheek. “Have fun.” 

Luke nodded past the smallest of smiles as he picked up his bags and turned to head for Calum who was stood waiting at the arrived bus. Ashton could feel the air in his lungs deflate, his whole body slumping in on itself as Luke walked away. Ashton wrapped his arms around himself, already missing Luke's hold on him. Ghostly shivers ran up his spine as Luke took one last look at Ashton, a shimmer of hope in his eyes, something completely transformed from their first meeting at the shop. Luke's eyes no longer reminded Ashton of jagged eyes and broken pieces that shined with desperation but of the light of hope glinting from the sun, blue skies and easy waters. 

Ashton waved as Luke boarded the bus, Luke nodding in acknowledgement at the gesture as his hands were full. Calum gently led Luke along, pushing him up the stairs of the bus and even throwing Ashton a look of goodbye. Ashton waved once more at Calum and then let his hand drop to his side, a strangled breath escaping him shakily. He could feel the absence of Luke already but the absence wasn't necessarily the worst feeling in the world. Ashton was partially convinced in the very back of his mind that the floor would crack open and the world would swallow him whole after Luke left, the end of the world approaching. 

The world wasn't set on fire and the ground didn't suddenly collapse from underneath him. His breath didn't leave his lungs and his heart didn't stop beating. The world was turning the way it usually did and Ashton was falling back into his old routine. Luke was on the bus, the doors were shut and the finality was setting in. 

Ashton watched the bus take off, a sweeping feeling of despair in him but he swallowed it down, reminding himself that Luke would write him, they'd continue to know each other and the world would keep going on as it usually did. There was a time before Luke, a time with Luke, and a time after Luke. 

Ashton stuck his hands in his short pockets, feeling the copper coin on his skin, a reminder of Luke on the tips of his fingers. He was glad he had the coin to hold onto, he would keep it right with Luke's guitar. Ashton turned to walk away but a flurry of peach colored hair caught his eye and stalled his footsteps.  _ She  _ was on the other side of the station, Ashton's heart pounding as he realized he would have to tell Michael. A second chance had just stepped into the realm of Michael's life and if Ashton bit his tongue for the sake of Michael's heart, it would destroy him more than the chance of loving and losing again.

Ashton hurried back to the pawn shop, pushing the doors open with a vengeance as he surpassed a few different customers, nearly colliding with people on his way. He found Michael at the front counter keeping an eye on the whole of the store, hunched over the counter with elbows on the glass and head resting lazily in his hands, but his eyes were watchful and focused. 

“Michael,” Ashton breathed out, coming to a quick stop in front of his best friend. “I have good and bad news. Which do you want first?” 

Michael quirked an eyebrow at Ashton, standing straight up from his slouched over position, Ashton realized he probably sounded manic what with his voice winded and his movements quick. Michael shrugged. “Bad news first.” 

“I don't know where she went,” Ashton replied quickly, knowing it would confuse Michael. “But the good news is, she's here in Boston.” 

“Who is?” Michael questioned sharply. 

“ _ She  _ is.”

Michael blew out a breath and clapped his hand against the glass counter top. Ashton waited for Michael to collect himself, he could see the emotion in his eyes, the dark circles prominent and the shifted shade of green growing darker. 

“That's good for her,” he said feebly, the words breaking off at the end. “I hope she's happy.” 

Ashton ducked his head down, gaze trained on the floor, the sight of his best friend so broken too much to bare. He wished Michael would've seen things the way he did, that a second chance was lurking around Boston, but apparently Michael had already resigned himself to losing the battle and the war. Ashton never wanted to feel that way. Especially with Luke. 

***

A couple of weeks had passed since Luke’s departure, Ashton feeling a small void within himself on the first morning as he realized that he wouldn’t have a day of spontaneity to look forward to. He had lapsed back into his usual routine, working his shifts at the pawn shop and spending lazy nights with Michael- sipping beer and watching baseball games on their small TV. It wasn’t a spectacular life- he wasn’t running down the streets under the stars with someone who made him feel like comets were in his blood- but it was his life and he was content enough to have it. He held a stack of mail in his hands as he pushed open the door to the pawn shop, rifling through what seemed like a copious amount of bills, almost surpassing what he had been so anxiously waiting for. 

A long green envelope with messy scrawl proclaiming the return address from California made Ashton’s heart skip a beat. He felt a bubble of excitement course through him, he strode to the counter and disregarded all of the other mail, throwing it haphazardly onto the counter to quickly open the green envelope. He slid his fingers under the seal, especially carefully, as if he were hoping to preserve the envelope. He freed the letter from the confines, the parchment crinkling as he unfolded it, bearing three pages of handwritten glory depicting all of Luke’s time away. 

Ashton scanned the pages once quickly, noting how Luke’s handwriting went from bumping and curving as if written while on the move to something more steady and legible. The shop was mostly empty save for a few stray customers and Michael who'd beaten Ashton back from his lunch break. Michael wandered over to Ashton, eyeing the pile of mail on the counter and then sweeping his gaze to the letter in Ashton's grip. 

“What's that?” 

Ashton looked up suddenly, startled by Michael's question. He cleared his throat and evaded eye contact. “It's a letter… from Luke.” 

Ashton wasn’t sure why he was so reluctant to admit that to Michael, usually they held no secrets from each other and Ashton would’ve jumped at the chance to tell Michael such news. There was a tense silence between them for only half a moment before Michael broke out into a grin and settled some of the uneasiness that had built up in Ashton. 

“Are you going to read it or just stand here all day?” Michael then questioned. Ashton blushed, realizing he had just been standing there with letter in hand, looking at it, but not reading it. 

Wordlessly Ashton slipped away from Michael, headed towards the abandoned window seat to settle himself down. The stained glass window shined brightly that day, the sun brilliant in its radiance. Red and gold and blue spots shined down on the letter, reflecting from the window onto the words scrawled on the paper, highlighting them and bringing the edges and curves of the letters to life. 

_ Ashton, _

_ The bus ride has been brutal so far, I can't count how many bumps have been in the road or how many minutes we've sat in unmoving traffic. The ride has given me time to think- think about the days we spent together and the nights that slipped past us unknowingly. It's given me time to gauge what I want out of life and how I'm going to get it. It may seem unattainable, even my parents gave me reality checks before taking off with Calum straight out of high school. They never believed in me, not in the way that was unwavering and without doubt. But when I met you, you never questioned me- never made me feel like what I was doing was ridiculous or a waste of time. I can't thank you enough for that, you gave me two weeks of hope and encouragement. You made me feel like dreams were reality and nothing was impossible, and even now when I'm just writing to you, that feeling is starting to come back to me and I hope it never fades.  _

Ashton tucked the first page behind the last, hands holding tight to his lifeline to Luke. The paper crinkled and Ashton was quick to smooth it out, Luke's handwriting seemingly more steady on the second page than the first. Ashton could picture Luke on the bus, long limbs all sprawled out as far as they could go, knees hitting the seat in front of him no matter what position he assumed. Ashton knew that Luke had written from the bus, he could almost see the way Luke would be bent over his notebook, contently penning a letter to him, turning his travels into words. The next page continued on, jumping from one thought to the next. 

_ Our apartment is small, even smaller than the one we had in Boston. It feels like we're breathing down each other's necks every time we're inside, so I've taken to the streets, LA does have wonderful weather year round. I've started to notice things in greater detail, sort of in the way you do. I always saw you in the best detail- I could've paid attention to the way your eyes flitted from one thing to the next all day, specks of gold in hazel that brought everything into focus. You're attentive and I think my time with you has given me a new appreciation for that. I'm sitting on a park bench, looking at the way the flowers are in bloom and how water sparkles under the sun. I never noticed the smaller things in life- I was always too worried about the bigger picture to slow down. You gave me perspective and I cherish it, as hard as the distance is, it's given me an opportunity to realize all of this. You gave me two weeks but I know the memories will last a lifetime.  _

Ashton breathed in deeply as he flipped to the last page, wondering how someone so amazing could say that someone like him had had such an impact. Ashton didn't know that Luke had found perspective through him, he couldn't fathom that he could be the one to spark a change in a person, not when he spent the majority of his life hoping for change within himself. The last page continued on, a different colored ink after the first had begun to fade and a less steady hand than the second page, clueing Ashton into the fact that Luke had written with such fierceness that the first pen had run dry. 

_ You gave me more than I could've bargained for when I stepped into the pawn shop with my guitar in hand. You gave me a chance- not just to get where I thought my dreams were, but a chance to know you. I keep going back to that night in the park, trying my hardest to remember the way you looked under soft light and the smile on your face after sipping cheap booze and skipping stones. I regret taking those small instances and details for granted back then. I sometimes swear to myself I can still feel your lips on mine, the press of our noses as you giggled and the grip of your hands in my hair, but no matter how real it feels I know it's just a facade- a memory of a time I want to be. I think about our adventures whenever the city becomes too big for me and the world feels too vast and high speed. Our nights were spontaneous but I lived them in slow motion, every single second with you was like a song. You gave me the luxury of time, a lifetime of melody, in as little as two weeks.  _

Ashton sat with the letter in hand for moments longer than it took him to finish it, every single word written to him having a chain effect on his entire being. Luke's words were settling into his bones, making his heart flutter lightly and putting his mind at ease. He spent the time without Luke in constant wonder at what his letter would be like, if it would be short and meaningless, Luke not having enough time to pen something more than a few lines on a postcard. As Ashton folded the letter on the already existing creases, he was overjoyed that Luke had taken such time to pour such a prominent piece of his heart onto paper. Ashton was astounded at the similarities of Luke in written word and real presence. 

There were differences- the physical inability to reach out to Luke, the feel of his hand and soft skin under Ashton's fingertips absent as he explored his mind. If anything- Ashton felt that maybe he was able to connect with Luke on a different and possibly deeper level on paper than in spoken word. Ashton wasn't aware of the effect he'd had on Luke in such a short time, Luke had never verbalized such thoughts to him, maybe it was easier to say bold things at a distance. 

Ashton knew he couldn't sit there gazing at the folded up letter forever, he had a life to keep living and a shop to keep running. He pushed himself off the seat, palms pressed into the cushion as he rose, shifting his weight to his feet and striding towards the checkout counter where Michael had taken up post. 

“So…” Michael trailed as Ashton approached. “Anything interesting in the letter?” 

Ashton blanked, momentarily forgetting the subject of the letter as he fell under Michael's inquisition. His mind scrambled as he raced to catch up with his mouth. “Just about his time away so far.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Is that all? He didn't confess his undying love for you and say how thankful he is for me almost pushing you two together?” 

Ashton blushed furiously, the heat on his cheeks reaching down to his neck as his hands fiddled restlessly with the letter. “I don't think that's how it happened- and  _ no _ he didn't confess his undying love for me. It's only been a few weeks.” 

Michael tapped his fingers on the countertop, an unbelieving look etched into his features. “Okay, so I didn't  _ push  _ you together but if I hadn't said anything you wouldn't have approached him and you can't deny that. I am fate, giving chances to the desperate since the beginning of time.”

Ashton laughed. Michael was ridiculous and his quirky sense of humor had come back to him. Whatever struggles he had been facing had seemingly vanished, at least for the moment. Ashton stared at his best friend for a moment, letting his image burn into his mind and behind closed eyelids as he blinked. Michael looked happier, his skin was healthier and the dark circles under his eyes had lessened. 

“If you're the decider of fate then I think it's safe to assume we’re all fucked,” Ashton joked lightly, hoping it would elicit laughs from Michael. The hope turned to reality as Michael chuckled heartily. 

Michael pointed at Ashton. “Especially you.” 

***

Ashton's shift ended and he couldn't wait to write Luke back, he was just finishing up stocking the back shelves with merchandise that had floated their way during the day when something caught his attention. A bold yellow color printed onto what seemed to be a playbill was the culprit, the bright color catching his eye. He didn't purchase this so his curiosity heightened. He read the title,  _ The Glass Menagerie  _ staring back at him in white letters against a black background. 

Below the title was an autograph and from what Ashton could tell it matched the name of the playwright. Tennessee Williams’ scrawl of a signature was signed in a silvery type pen that contrasted against the darkness of the middle and bottom section of the playbill. Ashton wondered why the name of the play seemed so familiar to him but that curiosity was short lived as Michael ambled his way over and leaned a casual arm against a middle shelf. 

“Remember having to do studies on that in high school?” 

Ashton's eyes widened in recognition, Michael's words jolting a memory from the vault, he recalled it was his sophomore year that his English class had studied the theme of the play, that time seemingly forever ago to Ashton. Their teacher had been obsessed with Tennessee Williams, she had been the type of teacher to be hyper vigilantly introspective about every piece of dialogue and every motion of each character. Ashton couldn't believe that the play had somehow slipped from his memory, he used to think that it would be ingrained into his mind forever. The play was gray and static to him in the moment, only bits and pieces coming through in the long run but there was a quote he could remember as clear as day. 

_ ‘In memory everything seems to happen to music’ _ floated through Ashton's mind in bold print. He looked back down at the playbill, connecting the quote to Luke- all their time spent together merely a soundtrack of summer that he could think back to and sink into the music. He could hear the jukebox playing Frank Sinatra at the diner and  _ Take Me Out To The Ballgame  _ at Fenway. He could hear the melody in Luke's voice as they talked about the future, Ashton's own cadence dropping to something of uncertainty. 

“How much did you pay for this?” Ashton asked Michael, knowing since he didn't buy it it must have been Michael's purchase. 

“About a hundred,” Michael said warily. “I've seen some going around for double that so I know we can make profit on it.” 

Ashton was quick to jump in. “It's not about profit. Don't worry- you did well, it's a great purchase, I just think I have somewhere it should go. I'll just buy it from the shop.” 

“I knew it would be a quick sale,” Michael said and clapped his hands together. “Employee of the month right here!” 

“You make one good purchase and then end up ‘selling’ it to me. I really don't think that qualifies you for employee of the month.” 

Ashton rolled his eyes fondly and smirked at Michael as he passed him by and deposited money into the register for the playbill. He knew exactly where this was headed, he wouldn't hesitate to send it on its way once he got home. Michael kept blabbering on about all of his ‘qualifications’ to be employee of the month but Ashton easily tuned him out, having heard this whole spiel before. Michael continued on as they locked up and headed for the streets, Ashton having tucked Luke's letter into the inside pocket of his light jacket and the other mail he had collected loose in his grip. 

He followed Michael, trailing after him slowly, the younger man setting a much faster pace than usual and Ashton wasn't striding to keep up with it. He went on leisurely, looking at his city in awe, something about the way the people moved along the sidewalks and the beginning of fall gracing them setting his mind at ease. Summer had come and gone, the inbetween of summer and autumn falling over the city and glazing it a soft orange. The leaves were only just beginning to change color in the parks and the city dwellers were making moves to escape the commotion and find refuge in smaller towns to feel the relaxation and colors of autumn. 

Ashton had half a mind to do the same, sometimes the city became too much for him as well, he could connect with Luke on that. All of his being ached to escape the mundane life of day to day city living, he'd never felt such an urge before. He'd had dreams of escaping the city and trekking off somewhere new but never had the urge coursed so hotly through him, never had his mind began to formulate an escape route and plan for such a thing. 

“Do you want to get out of the city for a while this weekend?” Ashton boldly asked Michael, hoping that by putting the words out there he would have to hold himself to them. 

Michael spun around to face Ashton, narrowly avoiding collision with an innocent pedestrian. “Are you serious?” 

“Yeah, like a day trip?” Ashton shrugged, taking a moment to think it over. There were plenty of places they could go in one day, to the coast or to mountains or forests- their time wouldn't be wasted inside the pawn shop. Ashton was sure his mother would give them the time off especially as autumn fell upon them and business began to dull, the summer rush of concerts and tourists thinning. 

“I mean I'll say yes but I'm not holding my breath for it,” Michael said fairly. Ashton was known to dip out on the smallest of plans last minute, his mind overthinking any and all outcomes, his body paralyzed before stepping out the door. He supposed that's why he worked and functioned so well with Luke, there was no time to think, all he could do was feel and react. 

“We can go to the coast before it gets too cold,” Ashton offered, venturing out onto a ledge slowly, one foot at a time as he pondered it. “We can head out early in the morning and make it there before noon. Spend the day there and head back that night.” 

“I'm glad you're wanting to do this,” Michael said with rapt attention. “I think it'll be good for you.” 

Ashton bit his tongue as the urge to reply that he also thought it would be good for Michael overwhelmed him. Michael had been better lately, even after Ashton had told him about  _ her  _ reappearance. His eyes weren't as dull and the dark circles had begun to fade- even a slight pinch of color had come back to his complexion. He didn't think that by mentioning it it would help Michael in anyway, it might just hinder him to know that Ashton partially wanted to go for himself and partially for Michael. He thought they could both use a change of pace. 

“It's a plan.” 

***

Ashton sat down at the island in his kitchen, a pen and pad of paper at the ready, the playbill pushed to the side as he began to scribble down his thoughts for Luke. At first, the blank page had been intimidating and daunting, as if he weren't sure he could pen anything at all. With the first word the second came immediately after and soon enough he'd strung together sentence after sentence, the glide of his pen on paper liberating. 

_ Luke, _

_ You said that every second was like a song and I gave you a lifetime of music- this play is exactly that, a memory piece that flows like a song. “In memory everything seems to happen to music” had never been true to me before I met you. I'd never heard the songs in the air, I only ever focused on the world one piece at a time. I couldn't see past the cracks in the sidewalk to listen to the chimes when the wind blows or the hums of people around me. Then you came into my life and suddenly summer was a soundtrack that I didn't want to end. You helped me grow in two weeks, helped me realize that there's more out there for me and if I want to find it I have to go look for it.  _

Ashton's scrawl was becoming haphazard but his thoughts weren't slowing, there was just so much to say to Luke. 

_ Michael and I are packing up this weekend and taking a day off to go to the coast, I'm not sure what I'm seeking out there but I know I need a change. You said the city sometimes becomes too vast for you and that's what I'm feeling right now- but I also feel enclosed. It feels like I'm trapped but free to roam, yet all the places I can go I've already been before. I can see a change in Michael as well, I'm still debating whether it's for the best or worst. He has highs and lows, but don't we all? I'm coming to realize that it may just be life taking its course and that I shouldn't overanalyze everything.  _

Ashton could hardly keep his thoughts straight and in focus as he continued on in a race to get every word written. His mind was happy to have an outlet for the expression inside himself, even if it would only be read by one other person, that person would suffice. 

_ Michael likes to think that when I met you it was fate and when you walked away it was a travesty- the chance of seeing you again at the park, a divine intervention. Maybe he's not wrong, as ridiculous as it sounds. Or at the very least we were given a second chance and we didn't let it go to waste. I cannot express the gratitude I feel towards the world for bestowing us with something as seemingly small as a second chance.  _

Ashton knew his thoughts had come out in a nonsensical way, no rhyme or reason to his prose but he got them written down and that's all that mattered. Soon, they would travel across the country to the one person he knew would understand them no matter what. 

***

The week washed away in a blur, and the moment Ashton had been waiting for surely approached. He'd mailed his letter and the playbill back to Luke, keeping in his mind that he would be heading to the coast with Michael for some downtime and a change. It wasn't hopping a plane and setting out for a new world but it was a small step in being okay with something like that. Ashton had broached the subject numerous times after mentioning it, either in an attempt to reassure Michael he was serious about it or to reassure himself and hold himself responsible. He had picked the perfect spot to travel to, the oldest lighthouse in Maine- a couple hour drive from Boston and a variety of things to do once there. The car ride blew by them as they cranked the radio and cracked the windows open, fresh autumn air breezing into the vehicle. 

Ashton used his time in the passenger seat to observe and think and rationalize all thoughts in his mind. He knew Luke had probably received his letter by now and held onto hope that another was coming for him. He was trekking through his first week without Luke, hyper aware that in one more weeks time Luke would be gone as long as Ashton had known him. 

He tapped his hands on the console and looked at Michael who was intent on the road ahead of him. 

“Have you tried to reach out to  _ her _ ?” 

Ashton wasn't sure what had compelled him to ask that, he wasn't sure it had even been a thought in his mind before it was words out of his mouth. Michael sighed and his grip on the wheel relaxed fractionally. 

“I haven't, and I'm not going to,” Michael replied easily. “We had our time. She walked away. That's the end of it.” 

Ashton sighed dramatically. He could see Michael's line of thinking, he understood that Michael was stubborn and wouldn't be the one to chase her down when she was the one to walk away but he feared that stubbornness was only preventing happiness. He let the discussion die off, not wanting to harp on Michael's stupidity for much longer. Ashton would learn from Michael's mistakes, he wouldn't let go of Luke that easily. He'd hold onto their paper thin connection for as long as he could and maybe someday their connection could be skin to skin, eye to eye, three inches not three thousand miles apart. 

They lapsed into a practiced silence for the rest of the way, Ashton fiddling with the radio as they went out of reach of their usual stations. Static had entered the car, gray and fuzzy much like Ashton's mind as they pulled up to the lighthouse. A scattering of newly fallen leaves graced the ground they walked on as they made their way up the cliffs edge. Ashton had never been to the Portland Headlight before even though it was a short drive comparatively. The history that surrounded them and the beauty of raw nature settled into Ashton's bones, the easiness of the autumn air and the crisp scent of the salt waters below sending waves of happiness through Ashton. They unloaded the car, having brought only a few things for their excursion. 

They wandered away from each other, more than happy to find their own piece of solitude and meet back up sometime when they were ready. Ashton picked a spot at the edge of the cliff, the water creeping up onto the rocks and his feet dangling in the air. Not many people were out and about- Ashton reveled in the feeling of being alone even when he knew Michael was close by. Ashton sat with a Polaroid camera in his lap and a notebook to the side, the breeze in his hair and the knowledge of the water below. The lighthouse was magnificent and historic, the towering structure sat to the side of him, the keepers house turned museum awaiting his arrival. He wanted to embrace nature before indulging in the past. He wanted to feel the present for all it was worth. 

Ashton took in a deep breath and wiggled his feet as he pulled the camera up to snap a photo of the waves and the sky; calm clouds drifting by in a clear blue background. As soon as the photo was printed he knew he would be sending it to Luke, that it would be a perfect accompaniment to one of his letters. He knew he would be writing about this day, that no matter the outcome he would want Luke to know. 

He had an itch to write to Luke, his fingers curling as if to wrap around a pen but his thoughts were moving like the tide, coming in and out of focus. If he were to pick up the pen and try to put something to paper he knew he'd be staring at a blank page in frustration. He'd brought the notebook just in case something crossed his mind but all of his thoughts were muddled so he shut them out in favor of focusing on the feeling of the sun on his skin and the spray of salt water in the air. He was on the edge of the cliff, sat still yet teetering in and out of his own mind. 

He wasn't sure how long he sat like that, eyes on the water but unfocused and unwavering at the same time. He could tell it had been a while, the position of the sun changing and reflecting off the water. The tide was nearly still, looking almost like glass as it shone under the light. Ashton thought that maybe he was made of glass in that moment; he was a glass ocean with stagnant tides and sharp edges. He didn't want to be a glass ocean that didn't move or change- he didn't want to have still cut currents that were shattered with shards of its own pieces. He wanted to be free. An ocean brought the tide out and always back in but the waters were never the same. 

A hand clapped to his back broke him of his mental reverie- thoughts shattered like the pieces of his glass ocean. Michael stood looming over Ashton with an expectant hand reached down to help him up. Ashton gratefully took the offer and gathered his things to bring back to the car, thankful for his time of reflection but even more thankful that Michael had been there to pull him back. They hung around the town for lunch and well into the evening, just taking their time to do all of things they couldn't in the city. 

*** 

_ Ashton,  _

_ I've been all over LA since I got here, playing in clubs and on the less fortunate days, street corners. Calum and I are getting by, we even took up temp jobs in the meantime, but I know that with all this struggle the success will be that much sweeter. In my downtime I've been reading the play you sent me, there's something so ingenious about the way it flows and how the narrator is also a character that’s pivotal to the plot. What better way to tell a story than through the person who experienced it? That’s what I want my music to be, a story that tells the details of my experiences, the emotions of the moment and the ups and downs of my life. Our two weeks together was one of the highest points of my life; even knowing that in two weeks I would be pushed from the high into the unknown I couldn't help but feel the wind at my back and the chill of excitement in my bones when I was with you. I wouldn’t trade our two weeks for the entire galaxy we walk among. I wanted this letter to explain every emotion I felt when I was with you, but sometimes, even the best things in life can’t be put to paper. Words alone wouldn’t come close to justifying the beauty of our time, the innate rightness of you and me, and the desire for more.  _

Ashton came to the bottom of the page Luke’s scrawl becoming smaller and smaller as the space ran out- as if he feared he would not be able to fit every word on the provided space. Ashton shuffled the paper around, indents from the backside of the page seeping through to the front- making it known Luke had continued on with his writing. 

_ I keep thinking that I'm going to finally feel settled here, but I'm not sure I know how that would feel and if I'd know it when I felt it. The only time in my life I've ever felt truly content was with you, I could never picture myself staying somewhere for too long, but during our two weeks it didn't feel long enough- two weeks, two years, two decades or centuries still doesn't seem like quite enough. I'm still waiting for the day you hop a plane and set out for adventure; hoping you don't forget to include me. We can go to any concert, break into any pool or watch any game you want in any part of the world so long as we’re together. We can write a new story.  _

Ashton sighed as the letter came to an end, the words scraped on the parchment doing little to quell his longing desire for Luke. This time around the letter had come inside a thicker envelope, along with a cassette tape marked ‘Our Story Part 1’ in Luke's signature scrawl. Ashton had read the letter in the window seat at the pawn shop, the spot bringing unmeasurable comfort to him. He realized that he had been sat here on the day Luke had come into his life and that thought brought him comfort and a thin connection to their story. 

He knew there was a portable cassette player in the shop somewhere, he'd often caught Michael with headphones in listening to rock in the back with it. As the day was slow and his lunch break was approaching Ashton set off to find the cassette player, first searching around Michael's counter and then sweeping over to the stockroom, noticing it laid precariously on the edge of a shelf, head phones wrapped around it, the whole machine discarded- most likely by Michael. He did have a habit of leaving things lying around, not really keen on picking up after himself. 

Ashton grabbed the cassette player and placed Luke's tape inside, thankful that whatever Michael had been listening to previously was miraculously taken care of. Ashton figured Michael had taken enough time to put the tape away but had forgotten and abandoned the machine in favor or taking care of the tape. Michael was never hyper vigilant with details, Ashton could clearly imagine the scenario. He pushed the play button, remembering how the button usually stuck and using a bit more pressure. 

Silence ensued for the first moment that the tape played and then the strum of a guitar broke through and Luke's soft voice was repeating the soundtrack of their summer back to him.  _ Fly Me To The Moon _ in Luke's melodic voice began the tape, Ashton nearly getting choked up as he was brought back to their adventure at the diner, almost able to see Luke sat fiddling with the ring on his pinky or how his eyes lit up when he scrolled through and found the title. 

Ashton realized in that moment that during their time together he had never heard Luke sing or play and that though they had promised it would happen before Luke was gone, there was something even more special with the distance between them. It was special in the sense that Luke had put enough thought into their continued connection to uphold a promise and let the music of their time together be immortalized onto a tape. His hands clutched at the tape player, eyes slipping closed as he pressed his back into a shelf, giving himself just one moment to pretend that the voice that drifted through the player was stood across from him- guitar in hand and smile on his face as he played. 

_ “Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on A-Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me..”  _

Ashton knew they were just lyrics to an old song, a song that had come to feel like it was written for them- as selfish and unrealistic as that was. The song kept on and Luke’s serene voice carried him through the summer ideally. All he could think of was the soft edges of Luke, the taste of his lips after late night swims and the yearning need for more and more entering his body. Ashton could almost feel the weightlessness enter his chest once more- as if he were eye to eye with mended blue and ivory skin, blond hair highlighted under the sun and that undeniable pull guiding his hands up to fallen tresses to brush them away. 

_ “Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adre. In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you.” _

Ashton’s eyes opened in time for the stock room lights to flicker- going dull for a moment in time and then brightening back to life. He sighed, the song continuing on as if nothing in the world could interrupt, and in that very moment, Ashton was determined to make that true.

_ “Fill my heart with song, let me sing for ever more. You are all I long for and adore. In other words, please be true. In other words- in other words, I love you.”  _

Ashton wasn’t certain he’d ever felt romantic love in his life but as he stood with a lifeline to Luke in his hand and his voice in his ears, he thought that maybe this could be the beginnings of it. 

***

Winter settled over Boston with hanging icicles and flurries of snow, slush lined streets led to the pawn shop and frost covered stained glass greeted Ashton everyday. The frost muted the colors of the glass but brought even more intricacy with each crack and dot along the way. It spanned along the whole window, hit from the outside but visible from the inside, the snow outside casted into colors and dulled by the frost. Often times when the shop was slow running Ashton found himself sitting at the window seat, legs pulled to his chest and a piece of paper to his side with a pen at the ready, willing himself to write to Luke. Sometimes, the words wouldn't come, he was too entranced by the weather, the white outside invading his soul and erasing all words. Other times he wrote fervently, not sure if all he wanted to say could be written in time with his thoughts. His hand could only glide as fast as looping letters and dotted i’s and crossed t’s would allow, his mind working much faster than the mechanics of writing. Luke's letters had come into him steadily, sometimes accompanied by such things as a postcard or trinket, small tokens that let Ashton know Luke still thought about him even when he wasn’t penning a letter to him. Ashton was surprised to find that Luke had found more than a temporary home in LA. He and Calum had taken up semi permanent jobs and explored music on the side, they'd even signed a year long lease for their apartment. There was no more month to month and day to day living for Luke. It seemed to Ashton that he was happy where he was and if he was happy then maybe he was  _ home.  _

Though Ashton had a clawing of anxiety in his stomach at the notion of Luke having found a home away from him and the memories they shared he was also elated that Luke seemingly had found a part of what he might’ve been chasing all along. If Luke was happy, then Ashton was happy for him- no matter how mundane his own life had become from day to day. 

Ashton had once preferred day to day living- routine set in stone and time going as fast as it usually did, but as soon as Luke had entered his life he had begun to realize that time was only as precious as you spent it. He stood behind the counter early one morning, the past catching his eye in the form of an opal ring- the very opal ring he had been so content with the day that Luke had come striding so casually into his life. He bent down, looking through the glass at a better view point to admire it for a moment- determination settling into his bones as he realized that the ring had gone back to where it once was; closed off and unappreciated. Ashton reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his ring of keys, quickly unlocked the glass case and brought the ring out, deciding it might do better to pique someone’s interest if it were the center of attention and not nestled between other jewelry. 

Michael was on the other side of the shop helping a customer and Ashton took a moment to take in his best friend and make sure that all was well. The dark circles under his eyes weren’t nearly as prominent as they were just a couple of months ago and there seemed to be more spring in his step and life to his words. Ashton pursed his lips during his inspection, hoping with all hope that Michael was as okay as he seemed. Sometimes it was hard to tell with him- in one moment he wore his heart on his sleeve, letting it bleed out and all his emotions running rampantly between them, other times he was a closed book that was just begging to fall off the shelf and for someone to  _ notice.  _

Michael wrapped it up with the customer quite quickly and made his way over to Ashton, the shop now empty save for the two of them. Mornings were usually the slowest, a lot of downtime left to stocking and cleaning and a tidal wave of banter between them. Michael leaned his elbows on Ashton’s counter and even though everything in him wanted to push them off and tell him he had just wiped the glass clean he let it be because it seemed to Ashton that Michael had something important to say. 

In one breath Michael spilled a question Ashton hadn’t thought about in well over a year. “Why’d you quit college? I thought you wanted to do something bigger than this.” 

Ashton breathed out sharply, wholly unprepared for that question. While instincts made him want to defend himself immediately he bit back and actually took a moment to think about it. Even though Michael was usually brash and words sharp, Ashton knew that he was genuinely curious about this. He’d been a history major, studying to hopefully become a museum curator but as the shop had taken off he’d been needed more and more to help keep it running smoothly. Ashton licked his lips as he came to a conclusion, one that was simple and as honest as he could muster. 

“I think- I think that this is where I belong, at least for right now. There are bigger things out there that maybe one day I’ll go after, but for now- I’m okay where I am. School just wasn’t for me,” He admitted, feeling the need to tack on a shrug and look quizzically at Michael. If anyone could understand how school wasn’t for them, it would be Michael- he had after all just barely skimmed by in high school- largely in part to the help that Ashton gave him and the answers he let him copy on his homework. Ashton knew that Michael had redefined the word truancy with all of the classes he skipped and the days he missed and wondered how he had managed to get away with it. Sometimes Michael would joke that the only reason they handed him a diploma was so they didn’t have to put up with him anymore. 

“You were good at school though,” Michael mumbled confusedly. “Top of the class, you’re the certified smart one and I’m the certified smartass. I just never thought you wouldn’t go to college.” 

Ashton laughed, trying to downplay the seriousness of the topic. “I did  _ go.  _ I just didn’t finish. Look- I don’t know how else to explain it so I’ll put it bluntly. I was miserable. I woke up every morning feeling like I was failing before I even tried. High school was a breeze but college was a cyclone.” 

Michael seemed to lay off on the question after that, only giving a small noise in acknowledgement as he walked away and left Ashton to his thoughts, unknowing that he had brought a whole new set of thoughts to him. Ashton hadn’t thought about school in a long while hadn’t thought about how his ultimate goal in life had only been half satisfied. The pawn shop was a great alternative to being a museum curator, he was still learning about the history of objects with the added perk of human interaction, but it wasn’t quite the same. 

Ashton was surprised that Michael hadn’t brought Luke into it, he was usually so set on questioning him and making sure that he was okay through the distance that it was unusual for him to not tie everything back to Luke. Ashton appreciated his concern but sometimes felt it was overbearing, he supposed it was better to have Michael care in his own extreme ways than not at all. He honestly wasn’t sure where he’d be without his best friend. 

***

_ Luke,  _

_ Michael posed a question for me the other day that got me thinking and the wheels in my head haven’t stopped turning since then. I can’t help but relate it back to you, how you haven’t hesitated in chasing your dreams and even when ‘failure’ knocks you down you get back up and try again unfazed. Michael asked me why I dropped out of college and I couldn’t come up with more of an answer than that I felt like I was failing- and we both know that’s not good enough. I think back to your letters, how you’re so persistent with chasing your dreams and how you didn’t rest until you found home. I want to be like that, every piece of me is screaming to just do it, but there’s always something that holds me back and for the sake of my own life I can’t figure out what it is.  _

_ I’ve been listening to your tape over and over, trying to let the sound of your voice bring me back to the summer, back when life was fast but it didn’t matter because every second was worth it. I’ve been sifting through records that come into the shop trying to find solace within the melody and redemption within the lyrics- seeking distraction as a whole but everything comes around back to you. Just the other day a man came in with a collection of albums and the very last one he presented to me was Frank Sinatra’s Watertown and all I could see was you at the jukebox and even though I’d never witnessed it- you at your father’s desk watching the record spin.  _

_ I sat on the floor of the living room with the record player on, listening to every song on the album without fail, hearing past the music and listening to the words, hearing the story and the meaning.  _

Ashton was interrupted from his fervent writing as the bell on the door dinged and a customer made their way into the shop, Ashton setting his pen to the side and closing the notebook, putting a pin on his thoughts and saving them for later. The album laid to the side on the counter, ready and waiting to be shipped off to Luke once he was able to pen his letter fully. Ashton eyed the customer carefully as they went up and down the aisles of the shop, slow steps and a watchful eye on the items. They seemed dissatisfied as they approached the counter, a heaving sigh of disappointment leaving them as they faced Ashton- defeat already etched into their expression. 

“Can I help you find something?” Ashton then asked, hoping to turn the situation around and be of service, even in the smallest of ways. 

“I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, I guess I just know what I'm  _ not  _ looking for,” the customer admitted and Ashton found that made sense to him in a weird way. 

“What is it for?” He asked, hoping that maybe if he had even a general idea he could provide some suggestions. 

“An anniversary gift, but nothing I've found so far screams five years of love and an eternity more to me.” 

Ashton flickered his gaze over to the opal ring not far from him. It sat out on the counter day to day and was placed in a locked case at night, it's time never arriving- until that very moment. Ashton gestured for the customer to follow him over as he shuffled to the other side of the counter and showed them the ring. The customer held the velvet box it was in with a loose grip, flipping the lid open to stop and stare at the stone, seemingly entranced by the colors and beauty of it. 

“This ring belonged to a man who said he gave it to the most beautiful girl in the world and held onto it long after she was gone. He wanted it to end up somewhere it would be loved and bring happiness,” Ashton pitched, unsure if the ring alone would be enough to convince the customer of purchasing it. Ashton wasn't pitching for the sake of money or moving inventory but more for the closure of the story. “Opals are said to be the perfect gift, especially since buying one for yourself brings bad luck.” 

The customer shut the lid of the box and bit their lip, chancing a look up at Ashton with narrowed eyes and then a breathy,  _ how much  _ escaping them. Ashton smiled, completely ready to negotiate a fair price. 

It didn't take them long to come to an agreement and for the customer to leave with a million thank you’s and an anniversary gift in their grips. Ashton felt a sweet sense of victory as another cover closed on a story that had entered his shop. 

Ashton looked out the door as the customer left, a gust of wind filtering in a flurry of snow as the door opened and closed, the February accumulation reaching new heights and low temperatures as winter trudged on. As much as Ashton loved winter he was more than ready for the snow to melt and the frost chilled breath to flee. His lungs craved fresh air without the burn of cold hitting his lungs and taking his breath almost completely away. He missed spring days and the eventual and gradual turn to summer. He missed the sun and the light breeze that didn't feel like stabbing frozen needles into his skin. He missed the way the light stayed around much longer and how the adventures were endless. He missed Luke. 

Luke was summer and winter was merely there to cover up the memories. The snow guarded the remembrance of freshly cut grass and the way Luke had looked at the park surrounded by blooming flowers and thickets of trees. Winter was the cold that consequently washed away the heat of Luke’s touches and left Ashton frost bitten. Winter was frozen waters and the inability to see the bottom of the pool they had jumped into, the surface crystallized and reflecting only Ashton's image back at him- reminding him Luke was long gone. Winter would melt away and spring would come, but Ashton knew that the next summer would not bring Luke back to him. 

Ashton wandered his way back to the counter, picking up the pen once more and starting a new thought, his letter unorganized but purely him. 

_ I keep thinking that once winter is gone you'll be here with me once more, that you'll walk into the shop with adventures at the ready by your side and it will be just like it was. But it won't. Winter will leave and you won't come back.  _

Ashton stilled his hand, looked down at the paper and commenced to strike out every single line and every single letter of the last paragraph, ink sopping the thin paper as he continued to scribble and hope that if the words were to disappear they would hold no more meaning. He shut the notebook and pushed it away from himself, finding that he couldn't say the words he most wanted to. 

***

“Big date?” Ashton chided Michael as Michael tugged at the sleeves of his button up and fiddled with the belt holding his slacks up. Ashton had never seen Michael looking so put together, most days it was ripped jeans and distressed tshirts, on good days his clothes didn't have stains and he'd run a brush through his hair more than once. 

Michael didn't look up as he answered. “Yeah, actually it kind of is.” 

Ashton was astounded and momentarily silenced as he continued to watch his friend become particular about the way his shirt was tucked in. Without thinking about the words he was going to say before he said them, he blurted something out that he wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't regret. 

“I haven't seen you this fidgety since you were with  _ her. _ ” 

Michael looked up and shrugged, a sigh escaping him as he contemplated his next words. “She called. We’re going to meet up. I figure- if she came all this way and built up enough courage to initiate it- I owe her at least that.” 

Ashton lapsed into silence, unsure what to say and not wanting to put his foot in his mouth. If Michael had something to say, he left enough room for him to say it. 

“I know you probably think it's crazy, I definitely have given you enough reason that past few months to think it is- but maybe this will be the closure I've always secretly needed. I don't expect a happy ending, I just need  _ an ending. _ ” 

“Even if it's one you don't want?” 

“I've given up on the idea of wanting this idealized ending. There's no such thing as living happily ever after and I've come to terms with the fact that any ending on this chapter doesn't mean it's the end of me. Whatever happens, it's not the end of my story. It's just a new beginning.” 

Ashton nodded more to himself than to Michael as he let those words sink in. 

“Good luck, bud,” Ashton called after him as he strode for the door. 

***

Ashton shuffled through the mail early one morning, Michael having brought it in late last night and discarded what wasn’t of interest to him on the counter. Ashton huffed out a sigh of disappointment as he realized that there was nothing from Luke this time. As time dragged on and winter melted away into the storms of spring their communication had become less frequent but longer letters had made up for that fact. Ashton also recalled that he had only sent out his last letter but a few days ago and even if it had finally made it’s way across the country to Luke it still didn’t give him much time to respond. Ashton had also sent out a gift to Luke, a first edition copy of a beloved book from his childhood, their letters picking up and revolving around each other’s pasts- as if they were trying to get to know each other from a different time span in different time zones. Ashton had successfully implemented the gift within the context of the letter and explained how it had found it’s way back to him. 

It had been a calm day at the shop when an old woman had entered the doors with a single solitary object in her grip, shaky footsteps and uneven breathing guiding her up to the counter. Ashton had greeted her and inquired about what services she would need, the kind lady had smiled- a smile that was timeless and made Ashton think of his own grandmother- she had explained that she wanted to sell the book, time had withered some of the edges and stained some of the pages but it was still in good enough condition to be bought. 

She had told Ashton that she used to read it to her own children and then her children had read it to their kids in the very same house, but it was time for her to let go of the memories and set out in search of new ones. She wanted the book to be sold to someone who would cherish it as much as she and her family had over the years. After speaking to the woman for a span of time about the past and the reality of letting it slip away from your prenest Ashton had taken a forlorn look around the shop, his story and history layered on the shelves and within the confines of stained glass. His life wasn’t as transparent as it used to be, days were no longer just another day he had to get through but a morning and an afternoon that bled into a night he looked forward to. 

He knew he had Luke to thank for that, the whirlwind of adventure he shouldered and thrust upon Ashton’s mundane lifestyle had begun to implement something more into his life. Ashton was more willing to take chances, to pack up and leave for the day, his footsteps becoming larger and gaze only ever trained in front of him, no more looking back and stopping in his tracks. He kept his strides long as he pushed past people to get to the pawn shop, feeling an air of confidence on that particular morning, the weather was warm enough to only need a light jacket and the snow banks were melting into pools of puddles that littered the sidewalks, muted grays and greens peaking their way past the collapsing white, solid ground under the biting reminder that winter was gone. 

Ashton unlocked the doors feeling rejuvenated, no longer did an early morning haze of tiredness and languid movements hang over him. Even though he was disappointed to find nothing in the mail from Luke he thought of today as just one day closer to receiving something from him. He strode up to the front counter, surpassing mementos of the past and not putting much thought into them anymore. 

Michael had been out late the previous night, his ‘big date’ with  _ her  _ having him stumbling into the apartment at nearly two in the morning and a groan of tiredness greeted Ashton when he tried to wake Michael for the day. It hadn’t been easy to drag him out of bed that morning, but he had and Michael had promised that he would be on time to work, Ashton only half believed him. He knew he would show up, but he doubted that ‘on time’ would become a reality. Michael was slow moving in the morning when he was fully rested, but after a night like the previous, Ashton knew he would be sloth like. 

Ashton hadn’t pressed Michael on getting the details of his reconnection with  _ her  _ he knew that Michael would tell him in due time. Michael never stayed closed off for too long, even in the face of the biggest heart ache he’d ever felt, it only took a few beers and a comforting hand on the shoulder to get him to bare his soul to Ashton. 

Restocking the shelves was mundane but needed, a surge of inventory had come their way and Ashton rifled through the purchases with half interest. He was always on the lookout for something new to send to Luke but as their letters had slowed his gifts had too. Forty minutes into his shift and three boxes of inventory successfully put away and Michael finally strode in through the door. Ashton casted a glance over his shoulder and saw a disheveled Michael take up his post at the counter, hands sprawled on the glass as if to keep himself steady and a tired glaze of green meeting Ashton's eyes. Ashton could feel that Michael had something to say to him, could feel the build up between them and wasted no time in meeting his friend at the counter. 

“We’re different people now,” Michael started bluntly. “I think we’ve both moved on.” 

Ashton nodded. There was a million minutes and miles of separation between them when  _ she  _ left Michael. Ashton understood the strain that could have on a stable relationship but couldn't imagine what it would have done to one that was already over. 

“I've got the closure I need, she's happy, I'm working on happy and now I can fully commit to opening myself up to someone else.” 

Ashton lightly placed a hand on Michael's shoulder and sighed. “I'm proud of you buddy, it must've been hard but it was the right thing to do. It will only help you.” 

“She has a whole new life now, and I don't fit into it. And she doesn't fit into mine. It was good to see her again, having her as any part of my life was lucky, but now I'm strong enough to realize what I needed all along.” 

Ashton waited for Michael to continue, intrigued by the idea that Michael had realized what he'd been missing and wondered if he knew how to get it. Michael said nothing more, as if waiting for Ashton to prompt him into it. 

“Go on…” Ashton said, gesturing for Michael to continue. 

Michael smiled, a snarky little smirk that spoke of old Michael and the attitude he usually carried with him on his sleeve. “Nothing. I don't  _ need  _ anything or anyone to validate me or make me feel whole. I'm my own person and that's good enough. Should I find love again I won't turn away from it, but for now, I'm okay with just being me. Just- working on me and getting out of here.” 

Ashton raised an eyebrow. “Where do you plan on going exactly?” 

Michael laughed. “Maybe that was too broad of a statement. I think I mean that I want to work on getting a better job and eventually… my own place. Whether that leaves me in Boston or not, I can't be sure.” 

Ashton let his contact break with Michael, his hand dropping and conflicting feelings bombarding him. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about Michael's newfound confession. As happy as he was that Michael wanted to make progress on bettering himself and stepping away from a once tethered past he was also terrified that meant he would lose his best friend. He'd already lost Luke before ever truly having him, he didn't know what life would be like without Michael. 

“Don't look so sad, you better damn well know you'll be my best friend no matter what happens. You can always count on me to be there and to annoy the fuck out of you.” 

Ashton was able to fractionally smile at that, as a best friend would, Michael always knew the right thing to say. 

“I do need a daily dose of annoyance,” Ashton laughed and let the mood ease. He wasn’t about to engage Michael in a deeper conversation of the future and where they would both end up. Realistically Ashton knew he and Michael wouldn’t live together forever, they would grow and find their own ways- even though they constantly joked that if they were forty and single they would marry each other for the sake of joint tax returns. 

***

A knock on the door stirred Ashton from a restless sort of daze, he’d been sprawled on the couch and staring at the fuzzy picture on the television, spring training was on and even though Ashton was usually up for watching the games he couldn’t seem to keep his mind focused. He hadn’t heard from Luke in a while- the definition of a ‘while’ being broad. He had started to mellow from the constants of checking the mailbox and feeling that tidal wave of worry wash over him when the signature green envelope wasn’t sighted. Michael started ‘soul searching’ or something of the sort, Ashton wasn’t entirely sure what the method of madness was for bettering himself but Michael  _ did  _ seem much happier than just months or even weeks before. 

“I’m going out tonight, are you going to join me?” Michael asked as he tossed a random container of old take out at Ashton. “Or is it going to be another night in on the couch with old noodles and flat beer?” 

Ashton realized he was in a bit of slump as of late, he mostly attributed it to the fact that he wanted to be somewhere and do something but couldn’t seem to pin exactly what and where. He sighed and picked up the old takeout as he sat up, letting his limbs stretch out from his rather stilled state. He frowned at Michael, feeling compelled to actually stay on the couch and do just as Michael had suggested but instead decided in a split second and surprising decision that he would take him up on the offer of going out. There was no use in sitting around trying to figure out what it was he wanted. If Luke had taught him anything it was that sometimes you just had to get up and get out and figure it out. 

Ashton followed Michael out the door after changing out of his sweat pants and kept a close distance to him as they entered the bar, Michael taking up residence on a stool that faced the makeshift stage but also had a good vantage point for chatting people up. There was already a band situated to play and the first strum of the guitar came as Ashton ordered his first shot. 

Ashton had zoned out after downing his first shot, gaze occupied with the clear shot glass and mind bringing him to all the questions he'd only ever left half answered and all the ‘solutions’ that seemed like empty promises. Michael nudged him as the music started to pick up and the tune was familiar, it was one of the same bands that had played in the park during his first night with Luke. Ashton smiled dazedly, rethinking those solutions and feeling that maybe they weren't so empty anymore. 

As the the time for change approached Ashton- what with Michael speaking of his own future, his need for something  _ more  _ became heightened. Sitting in the same old bar he and Michael went to since they were old enough and downing the same shot of alcohol didn’t hold the same amount as glamour as it used to. There was nothing but the shop and his family tethering him to Boston anymore. And as his family would have him know they would support him in any decision he made. As Ashton let himself contemplate the endless possibilities of what he could do and get out of his life he couldn’t stop his thoughts from revolving around Luke. 

He knew the end of Michael’s story with  _ her,  _ had seen Michael grow up and move on and even come to face the dagger of her name being said in casual conversation without looking wounded. Michael was content with the way things ended up but it wasn’t ideal and Ashton didn’t want to feel like he was settling anymore. 

Ashton patted Michael on the shoulder in an attempt to get him to pay attention to him. He had a burning question that wouldn’t be satiated until he got a direct answer from Michael. Michael glanced over at Ashton only paying him a small mind but that wasn’t good enough for Ashton. He needed just one moment of Michael’s undivided attention. He cleared his throat and tapped Michael once more, completely jarring him and bringing his full attention to Ashton. 

“If you could do it all over with Tracee and have a different ending, would you?” 

Michael gazed down, completely taken aback by the question. “No,” he answered firmly, the one word surprising Ashton immensely. “We were given the chance we had and that’s how it played out. But don’t take my answer for your own life. Don’t repeat my decisions. Make your own way- and you know- if that way is to Luke to see if there’s anything more than letters and a summer’s past there, then no one would blame you.” 

Ashton let his elbows hit the bar top, the band picking up and hitting a crescendo as he realized all that Michael was implying. He let out a breath and nodded, now sure of his thoughts and what he wanted to do about those half answered questions. 

***

The next morning Ashton woke up feeling rejuvenated, like the world was in his hands and he could do with it what he deemed fit. And perhaps that’s what the feeling of an almost weightless envelope with Luke’s scrawl felt like. When he had a piece of Luke with him he felt better and he felt like nothing was impossible. He’d checked the mail and much to his surprise and excitement he’d found another letter from Luke. The spring air was arm and the flowers were beginning their bloom, making everything feel a little bit more right. 

He tore open the letter and unfolded a single piece of paper, already noting that it wasn’t written on both sides and that the pen hadn’t indented the backside of the page. Ashton grasped at the paper and read the single sentence softly written in looping letters that made him breathless. 

_ Spring is lovely and all, but, I’m waiting for you to bring summer back to me. _

Ashton folded the paper back up and tucked it into the pocket of his shorts, hands brushing against something else he stopped and pulled it out, a penny greeting him. He was baffled as he hadn’t worn shorts in months due to the winter weather- he gazed at the penny curiously and was suddenly brought back to summer. He could see the coin rolling about Luke’s knuckles, the coy smirk on his face as he tossed the coin to him and the kind words he had said. 

_ You’re much better at dealing with the past than I am. _

Ashton had forgotten of the penny. 

_ Winter will leave and you won't come back.  _

And as sure as he was that he had crossed out every word he couldn’t deny the feeling that Luke’s words were a plea.

_ I’m waiting for you to bring summer back to me. _

Ashton ambled his way to the shop that morning, past words floating through his mind. He couldn’t put a cap on them, he could still  _ hear  _ Luke’s voice in his thoughts and remembered every miniscule detail of his face. Answers buzzed in his mind but he stopped short as he came upon the shop, broken glass scattered along the sidewalk and police swarming in and out the door, his mother to the side of the chaos. Time slowed for Ashton as he realized there’d been a break in and as scared as he was in that sedated moment of time he was still on his feet and the sun still shined and the world was still turning. 

He’d faced every inevitable in his life, he’d faced the unattractive realities and now he was facing the unthinkable all the same. He walked up to his mother who was as calm and collected as she could be in the moment. She turned to him, a motherly gaze and concern clearly written in her eyes as she picked up on the underlying emotions Ashton held onto. 

“I got a call from the police early this morning. I thought I’d better handle it and not disturb you,” she said finally after moments of silence between them. “Take the day off honey, I have this handled.” 

Ashton bit his lip and nodded. “I’m going to need a couple of weeks off, I have somewhere I need to be.” 

His mother merely nodded in understanding and even though Ashton hadn’t articulated where exactly it was he was headed he was sure his mother knew.  

Ashton wasted no time in heading back to his apartment, Michael already vacated and probably headed to the shop. Ashton scurried about the apartment, gathering what few things he would need to find his way. He packed a small bag, shuffled his clothes to one side and revealed the guitar case that he had never wanted to sell and pulled it out. His hands gripped the guitar and his bag carefully toting them out to the kitchen where he placed them on the floor to scrawl out a quick note Michael, knowing that his best friend would understand and have no questions about his sudden disappearance. 

_ I’m making my own way and I know you won't blame me for it.  _

***

Ashton had nothing other than the bag he had packed, Luke’s guitar, a road map, Luke’s last letter and a full tank of gas when he set out to make his own way. He made minimal stops along the way, only stopping when it became a necessity. He finally knew what it was he wanted and how he was going to go about getting it and he would be damned if anything were to get in his way. It was snap decision, the break in at the pawn shop jarring him out of his own mind for once and setting him in motion. He realized as he looked at the destruction around him that even the past wasn’t necessarily set in stone, he didn’t need to let it define him in a way that could potentially ruin his future. 

He held onto what was necessary- the feelings that had emerged on those fateful summer nights with Luke and the way he had looked painted under the moonlight and the twinkle of stars in his eyes- but had set aside all the rest. He was the only one that had ever been in his own way. Whatever inhibitions or self doubt that had clouded him before suddenly broke apart and dissipated as he saw the California sun and everything felt like summer around him. 

***

Ashton loitered outside the door he knew to be Luke’s. He’d checked the return address on the letter a thousand times as he made his way and mapped out the travels he’d be facing. He fidgeted with Luke’s guitar and raised his hand to knock on the wood only to watch it fall again, needing just one more moment to convince himself that this was real and that he had actually just up and done what he wanted. The reality around him was made of dreams and it was farfetched for Ashton to have actually chased them. And yet, there he stood, with his heart in his hands and summer in his veins. 

He knocked on the door three times gently, held his breath as he heard footsteps approach and felt the air be knocked out of him when Luke was on the other side, surprise clearly written on his face but a smile that wiped it away and a gaze that could envy the warmth of the sun. 

“What- How- What?” Luke stopped and started and Ashton laughed, knowing that the sight was just as unbelievable to Luke as it was to him. 

Ashton brought the guitar case forward and cleared his throat. “I think this is better off with you.” 

Luke had an unbelieving smile on his face and a glint of uncertainty in his eyes. “You came all the way to California to give me back my guitar?” 

“Well yeah, that, and… I thought we could catch the next plane out of here.” 

Luke took the guitar from Ashton only to set it down seconds later and pull Ashton into him, the embrace one that was entirely missed but even after all that time apart not unfamiliar in the least. “Where do you want to go?” 

And because Ashton was sure that their agreement still stood with the way Luke was looking at him as they broke apart- glancing from his eyes to his lips- he moved in and kissed him with all that he had in him. When breathing became needed and their worlds weren’t so far apart anymore, Ashton broke away and whispered, “Anywhere with you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly can't believe the day has come for this to finally be posted. I originally had the idea for this in mid 2015 and after many rough drafts and deleted 10,000 words, I am proud to say this is the final product and my largest labor of love to date. Any and all thoughts or feedback is hugely appreciated <3


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